It's Just Jess...

ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!

2010-05-24T18:11:00.000-07:00

Suh is nearly 6 months old now so Jodie called the vet to get a "quote" for having her fixed. I say "quote" because it wasn't so much a quote as it was a swift kick to the groin. $769...you read it right...$769!!!! I don't think my vasectomy cost $769...either of them!!

Side note - In case you haven't heard - I've had two vasectomies. Yes, plural. Long story...I've just recently come to terms with it and am now able to speak about it. Kind of.

Back to the rant...for a dog that only cost $350 to purchase, how do you justify a single trip to the vet that costs more than 2X that?? After all, we're taking parts OUT of her, it's not like we're making her bionic! When they're done she won't be able to jump 6ft fences or lift cars off people with that CH-CH-CH-CH sound like the 6-Million Dollar Man! We'll leave with less of her than we brought! We'll also leave with less money than we brought...much less.

How big of a job is this that it costs $769??? I mean, she only weighs 10 lbs! We're talking about an animal that's not much larger than your average squirrel! It's not like they're operating on a Triceratops or something! For cryin' out loud, you could knock her out with a thimble full of tequila...how much anaesthetic could it possibly take???

In my mind it should look something like those guys who do the calf roping at the rodeo. You tie off one leg, flip her on her back, tie a couple things off and BAM! You're done! Hands in the air and look at the clock for your time. They should have a drive through for this! You load her in one of those tubes your mom used to put her checks in at the bank drive through, you know, with the air suction line that makes that THUMP sound when it sucks the tube away. You sit there for a few minutes and THUMP they send her back out and tell you to have a nice day.

Honestly, I'm wondering if this is our vets not-so-subtle way of telling us to go away. Jodie's shopping around for some more quotes, so mission accomplished.

Kevin's now part of the family...

2010-04-29T20:59:00.000-07:00

And now that he is, it's important to take a look at his roots. Kevin is from Newberg, which, if you listen to him, is "God's Country". Personally I never thought "God's Country" would smell quite like Newberg does, but I never anticipated "God's Country" being in such close proximity to dairy farms either.

Perhaps we should take a deeper look into the people of Newberg...the backbone of the community...the influences that shaped Kevin's upbringing?? During a recent visit to Newberg Jodie and I witnessed the following:

We actually drove past this...this...mode of transportation and I had to whip it around the block to go back and take pictures. A few pics in I realized that we were the only one's paying any attention to this sight, which tells me that it must be a somewhat regular occurrence. Now, maybe it's just me, but when I see a horse drawn plywood house on wheels being pulled through the middle of town...well, that gets my attention. Not something you see everyday...apparently unless you're in Newberg. Oh yeah - don't forget the trailer!!!

After all, where else are you going to carry your water barrel, hay bails, gas cans, generator, assorted buckets and American flag???

As the sign says..."Donations Greatly Appreciated"! If you'd like to make a donation, may I suggest you do so in the name of Kevin Pack. I'm sure it would mean a lot to help support his people.

Looking at this spectacle makes me wonder about any future nieces and nephews I might have. I can only hope Vic's gene's are powerful enough to destroy Kevin's "horse drawn plywood house being pulled through the middle of town with a trailer carrying water barrels, hay bails, gas cans, generators, assorted buckets and an American flag" gene's.

Wedding Pics

2010-04-29T20:28:00.000-07:00

Kevin & Vic made it official in April. Jod and I were both in the ceremony so most of our pics were from the rehearsal or prior to the ceremony. You can check out Jodie's blog for a video of Aric and his dancing skills.

I'm Back...

2010-04-29T19:54:00.000-07:00

So, I've been MIA for a while. Not that there hasn't been stuff happening...I just haven't been motivated to update things. Part of that is due to the impression I get that the people primarily reading this thing are my mom and my mother-in-law. I figured they'd been verbally updated on everything so I didn't see the need post things. However, they're probably getting bored with nothing to read at work so I thought I'd get back in the game.

The latest addition to the family is Suh...our now 5 month old pug. I didn't get to pick the dog, I didn't get to pick the gender, but I did get to pick the name. I figured if she was going to be a scrawny little runt (just over 2 lbs when we got her) then she needed a name with some muscle...so, I named her for Ndamukong Suh - Nebraska's stud defensive tackle, who happens to be from Portland. If you look really closely you can see some similarities in the attitude:

It's all in the eyes...! Suh (the dog) has quickly become the central focus of the family. The kids love her, which is essentially why I broke down and got her in the first place.

I only asked two things when we bought the dog...no carriers and no outfits. As you well know, my family respects me as the head of my household and whatever I say goes. I am not to be crossed and they know it...

I've lost every ounce of clout I ever had with my family. Years of dedication, sacrifice and hard work...and In a matter of a few months I've become completely irrelevant and have been replaced. Replaced by a furry poop machine that I'm not certain even came equipped with a nose.

CL Post

2010-04-25T20:07:00.000-07:00

Every once in a while you run into a gem on Craigslist. Something clever or witty, or something that is so outright stupid that it leaves you speechless. I found one today that's kind of a combination of both. It starts out a little slow but finishes strong:

1973 Kawasaki vintage Movie stunt chopper bobber. Awesome project ran out money and time to finish this bad boy Plus the 'Ol Lady says its gotta go . Ran when parked. Needs little tlc to be a very clean little runner. No title, but if you talk to uncle in prison he might tell you where it is for some smokes or if you put money on his books. Second owner. Laid down like twice.
200.00 obo
Will Trade for Guns knives lynyrd skynyrd tickets or fishing gear.

I'm sure his uncle in prison is gonna be pissed if he doesn't get his cut of the $200. Heck, I'd spring for $200 for anyone who can tell me what "movie" this "stunt chopper" was used in. Something tells me that it's embarrassing enough that it wouldn't be worth $200 to admit you know. I'm interested but I'll be darned if I have any spare fishing gear or Skynyrd tickets.

When I grow up I wanna be...

2010-03-01T11:48:00.000-08:00

You ever look at your kids and wonder how they're going to turn out? What they're going to do with their life...job, family, school, etc...? Cade gave us a glimpse last week of his potential. I've always thought he was kind of an Engineering type, but now he's got me thinking Small Business Owner, or a Marketing Director.

SeaWorld, Orlando...the killer whale takes out a trainer. No question a tragedy. This one hit a little closer to home for Cade as he took a trip to SeaWorld, San Diego with my sister last year, a trip he greatly enjoyed. Upon watching the news story Cade became quite concerned that this was bad news for SeaWorld and reasoned they were in danger of closing due to the circumstances. How he got there, I'm not sure...but he did. Apparently SeaWorld is near and dear to his heart now as he instantly went into a "damage control plan" and offered up his idea of how SeaWorld could be saved.

Obviously there's a lot of public concern over this and good will needs to be restored. Additionally, SeaWorld closed down for the investigation so that lost revenue needs to be made up. Cade's idea...throw a fund raising bbq. Not just any bbq though...oh no. Cade proposed that they kill the whale, grill it, and then charge admission for the park-goers to come and eat it. By his logic, everyone wins...the whale is dead, the public feels better and comes back to the park, and SeaWorld makes money so it can stay open!

When you think about it, it's tough to argue with his logic. I didn't bring it up, but I'm really curious how he would handle the PETA protesters that would surely show up.

An open letter to 24 Hour Fitness

2010-02-09T20:08:00.000-08:00

I've had a long brewing problem with the men's locker room at the Clackamas 24 Hour Fitness. The smell in that locker room is terrible. I went in for my workout tonight and a stink that I didn't think could get any worse had somehow done so by a multiple of at least 10. This was the proverbial straw that broke the camels back so I decided to draft a letter to 24 Hour Fitness to address the problem. I don't expect any action...this is more to just make me feel better. I thought I'd share:

I wanted to congratulate you on duplicating the smell of a dead yak’s ass in the men’s locker room of your Clackamas, OR location tonight! On an average night the smell in there is nearly unbearable, which I would naturally attribute to the stale odor of pooling water all over the floor not leaving a dry place to stand…the smell of urine reminiscent of grade school playground equipment someone peed inside…and the “auto flush” urinals and toilets that rarely, if ever, auto flush. However tonight….tonight you clearly outdid yourselves! It was off the charts rancid tonight. Fortunately the smell that typically occupies the locker room worked as a sort of “basic training” for the encounter tonight. Immediately upon recognition of the stench I began mouth breathing, which is of course routine…although tonight that quickly proved futile. The mouth breathing in a strange way enhanced the odor. It almost made it tangible…gave it a body of sorts. Truly disturbing. This led quickly to gagging so I moved onto the next defensive measure…holding my breath for as long as possible. Now, I’m really not much of a cardio kind of guy, but experiencing this locker room on a regular basis necessitates it. My sole reason for doing cardio is to maximize my lung capacity so as to minimize the amount of breaths I need to take while in the locker room. I changed clothes with finely honed speed and efficiency…another skill obtained via regular exposure to this locker room. Unfortunately for me I had a 45 minute commute to the gym tonight which left me needing to relieve myself prior to beginning my workout. There was no avoiding it. I was going to have to venture into the epicenter...the source. I reached the urinal and took a shallow sample breath and nearly passed out. As bad as it was in the common area of the locker room, things were much worse in this region. I quickly finished my business and exited the locker room to take my first breath of fresh air in what seemed like an eternity. For the record – No, the “auto flush” urinal didn’t auto flush. As I ascended the stairs for my workout I questioned whether I was now a carrier of this aroma. Was it in my clothes? Had it penetrated my pores? I very likely smelled to other people like I was inside a port-o-pot that had been turned upside down. After completing my workout I embarked on the long walk back into the pit of hell. Initially I thought…hoped…the nasal assault may have been attributed to a member having a particularly bad time in a bathroom stall, thus making for a short lived event. However, much to my surprise…or more appropriately my dismay…upon my return, over an hour later, I was greeted by the same lingering odor that would typically be related to a rotting animal carcass! It had uncanny staying power. Now, one would expect the state of the art ventilation system that this facility is sure to have would make quick work of any malodorous occurrence. However, if such a system does exist I’ve never seen it or heard it. Near as I can tell the only air movement through the locker room is attributed to the hand dryers. Perhaps the ever growing, building, spreading odors have taken the ventilation system hostage? Who’s to say? Whatever the case, I’m sure the ongoing odiferous onslaught in the locker room has been addressed and the desire for fresh air and ventilation has been deemed either unnecessary, or unachievable. On the bright side, if this issue were ever to be resolved I would likely quit doing cardio…so I guess in a way you’re doing me a favor.

We'll see if I get a response. Either way, I feel better.

All about the pipes.

2010-01-30T10:40:00.000-08:00

I had to steal an idea from a local sports talk show I was listening to the other night. They were discussing some of the best voices in film and TV over the years and went to the extent of setting up a bracket similar to the NCAA Tournament wherein one voice would face off against another and the winner would advance to face the next voice. You know, one of those stupid things guys do...but for some inexplicable reason every guy gets sucked into discussions just like this. As I listened to them going back and forth I thought they had a few glaring omissions, so I wanted to take my shot at it.

When I first sat down to compile this list and the supporting video I thought it would be relatively easy. Well, it's taken me nearly three days because searching Youtube isn't as easy as I anticipated. It takes a good bit of time to find the right clip, and beyond that a lot of the clips I ended up looking for aren't available due to copyright reasons. For this reason there are a few not higher up on the list just because I'm irritated I couldn't find what I wanted.

The following is a list of the best voices of all time...according to me:

12. Laurence Fishburne
The biggest knock against him is he started out on Pee-Wee’s Playhouse as Cowboy Curtis. It got steadily better from there. He was great in Boyz N The Hood, he played Ike Turner in What’s Love Got to do With it, and he’s now on CSI. For my money though he was awesome as Morpheus on The Matrix. Listening to him break down what the matrix was about to Neo had me wanting to take the red pill and “see just how far the rabbit hole goes…”

11. Antonio Banderas
I try not to think about Spy Kids or Evita when it comes to Antonio Banderas. I tend to lean toward the Zorro movies or Deperado where dude has that Latin thing going for him that could make reading the phone book sound cool. However, in my opinion his best voice work…a cartoon. After all, cartoons are all about voice. Puss N Boots in the Shrek movies. The guy made a cartoon cat cool. Sylvester couldn’t do it, Tom from Tom & Jerry couldn’t do it, Garfield was as far from it as you can get. It took Banderas to make a cat cool.

10. Robert DeNiro
This guy has done more movies than I can list. Some of the best…Taxi Driver, Raging Bull, Heat, The Score, Goodfellas, Cape Fear, Ronin…and on, and on. One of my favorites though is Meet The Parents. It was a comedy, but when he was giving it to Ben Stiller about dating his daughter…he was still a little Goodfellas crazy…”Alright, now look Focker. I'm a patient man. That's what nineteen months in a Vietnamese prison camp will do to you, but I will be watching you. Studying your every move. And if I find that you are trying to corrupt my first born child, I will bring you down, baby! I will bring you down to China Town!” I still use the China Town thing on my kids.

9. Sean Connery
The Hunt For Red October, The Rock, Rising Sun, and of course all the Bond movies. His gravel Scottish accent is plain cool.

8. James Earl Jones
I hate Star Wars, but I can look past that and still see that James Earl Jones is the man. He was in Roots, Conan The Barbarian, Field of Dreams, The Hunt For Red October, Patriot Games and Clear And Present Danger. My favorite…Coming To America as Eddie Murphy’s dad. The guys voice just booms.

7. Gene Hackman
Finally we have some video, although it’s not the clip I wanted. None-the-less Gene Hackman has an underrated voice, but if I could’ve found some clips for others he would’ve fallen further down the list. His best work was probably Crimson Tide or Behind Enemy Lines, but he was great in Hoosiers as well.

6. Jean Shepherd
This is where my list starts to get a little different than others. You’re probably thinking “Who the heck is Jean Shepherd??” A good question. You’ve probably never seen Jean Shepherd, but 10 to 1 says you’ve heard him. Jean was the narrator of the movie A Christmas Story. In fact, the movie was based on stories of his own childhood. His primary career was actually in radio. His broadcasting career began in 1948 in Cincinnati, Ohio. He also did print and TV work, but nothing was as far reaching as his work in A Christmas Story.

5. Sam Elliott
Sam did advertising for two of my favorite products, beef and beer, so even without his booming voice he was a lock for this list. You’ve heard him proclaim “Beef – it’s what for dinner.” You’ve also heard him urge you to “Tap the Rockies” with Coors. Movies to his credit include Tombstone, We Were Sodiers, Ghost Riders and Roadhouse. I tried desperately to find a Roadhouse clip that was suitable but came up empty. Even without the desired clip in hand he still made the top 5 because the guys voice is amazing. Here’s a clip from Sam in The Golden Compass.

4. Jack Nicholson
What guy hasn’t tried to do a Jack Nicholson impersonation before??? Heck, I’ve seen women try it. The guys voice is one of a kind. Whether he’s doing some crap flick like Terms Of Endearment, something middle of the road like As Good As It Gets, or something off the charts good like A Few Good Men his voice is always top notch and worth listening to. I had to go with a clip from A Few Good Men…but likely not the one you would expect. Warning…some language in this one so careful if you’re at work.

3. George Sanders
Another severe detour on my list as compared to most. George Sanders was the voice of Shere Khan, the tiger, in Disney’s The Jungle Book. Other than that, you’re probably not going to know him for anything else. Even though he isn’t as famous as most on the list his baritone voice combined with the British accent puts him easily near the top.

2. Helmut Bakaitis
Another obscure name. Helmut Bakaitis played The Architect in The Matrix Reloaded and The Matrix Revolutions. Sure the guy looks like Colonel Sanders of KFC fame, but his voice is freakin’ cool. Plus, he uses huge words and sounds like he’s smarter than any man walking the earth. That easily makes him cool enough to rank #2.

1. Don Lafontaine
Don Lafontaine is without question THE man. He’s the movie guy. The guy we all grew up hearing on the trailers when we went to the movies. He’s the guy that made people actually pay attention to previews. When you sat there captivated by the preview for Daddy Daycare, it wasn’t the movie that had your interest…it was Don Lafontaine. Don has since passed so you’ll no longer hear him telling you about the next greatest movie to come. The video clip is really worth watching. It was shot by Good Morning America and is more of a documentary about his work and shows the range the guy had. After watching this I’m pretty well convinced that he had the coolest job in the history of the world and it was all due to his voice.

My Automotive Anxiety Attack

2010-01-07T18:44:00.000-08:00

I took the Honda to Jiffy Lube today at lunch. I don't know if there's anything that I hate doing more than taking that car to the mechanic or in for an oil change. After all, it's now 22 years old and has over 222,000 miles on it. Needless to say, it has a few problems.

Naturally, when you take your car in they're going to do a full inspection and give you the run down of EVERYTHING else you need to have done. It's good business on their part, and it's supposed to help you out with preventative maintenance. That's all well and good, but this is why I hate taking the Honda in. It's like going to the doctor with a concussion, a black eye, chronic stomach pain, a broken leg, hemorrhoids and a hangnail, but all you really want to treat is the hangnail. You know about all the other bad news, but you really don't want to hear about it...just take care of the freakin' hangnail!

I just want my oil changed. Yes, I know that the air filter should probably be changed, but I just want my oil changed. Yes, I know that all the manufacturers stickers on the door frame are no longer there...it's a 1988, just ask me, you don't need a sticker to confirm it...I just want my oil changed. Yes, I know that I have an oil leak, but I just want my oil changed. Yes, I know that the oil was probably a little low when I got here, but the car has 222,000 miles on it and it burns some oil...I just want my oil changed! No, I don't want my car vacuumed, I just want my oil changed. Yes, I know my windshield has a large crack and should be replaced...I look at it every freakin' day, I've noticed...I just want my oil changed. Yes, I know I have a high mileage car and I should consider the high mileage oil, but I don't want to pay more for your high priced oil that, as you've already pointed out, is either going to leak out of the oil pan or be burned through my tailpipe...I JUST want my OIL changed! Yes, I know that my battery is working great, I just...wait a minute, my battery is working great??? Something on this car is actually working? That's great, but I really don't care...I JUST WANT MY OIL CHANGED!!!!!!!

You know, I'd much prefer that they just come to the window once and say "Sir, your car is a piece of crap...are you aware of this? If not, would you like a breakdown of everything wrong with it? No? Okay, we'll just change your oil and send you on your way!" Would that be so hard? Heck, for that matter they could just come to the window and say "We're sorry for you and your car." then just change the oil and let me go without further conversation or eye contact. I don't need to be reminded of everything wrong with that car. I drive it everyday...I know what's wrong with it!!!

I keep telling myself that one day I'm going to roll into that Jiffy Lube in a car that doesn't give me an anxiety attack. Something nice like a 1999 Ford Escort. Yeah, it sounds pathetic...but it's still an improvement.

Must be New Years again...

2010-01-05T18:46:00.000-08:00

I go to the gym primarily to people watch...occasionally I'll get a lift in too. At the gym it's pretty easy to tell it's January again with the sounds of grunting, growling and weights slamming onto the floor. Gym Guy is back and as obnoxious as ever.

I'm not sure what possesses Gym Guy to show up January 1 and act like he owns the place. This guy has so many impressive traits I'm not sure where to start...but I'll try.

First off Gym Guy struts around with his chest puffed out, wearing his "12 Ounce Curls" t-shirt that has the sleeves cut off and is small enough to fit a fifth grader. Of course he doesn't fill the shirt out properly...it's more bottom heavy than top heavy. Kind of the male version of a muffin top.

He's usually sporting a weight belt of some kind...just so you know that at any time he's capable of relocating some seriously heavy iron. Naturally he has it cinched up as tight as possible which only accentuates his male-muffin top.

If you're lucky you'll get the "classic" Gym Guy...the one that sports the Hammer Pants from the early 90's. You know, the multi-color baggy things with the hideous color combinations. I think he only breaks them out for these "special" occasions. If you don't end up with classic Gym Guy then you typically end up with the Gym Guy wearing biker shorts or daisy duke cut-offs.

Once Gym Guy walks a lap around the place just to make sure everyone knows he's "in the house" he'll eventually move to the dumbbells. Now it's 50-50 whether he'll be doing chest or biceps, but it'll be one or the other because that's all he does. Usually it's chest because "You want to work your MAJOR muscle groups first." He'll start out with a ridiculously large amount of weight and won't bother warming up because "Warming up is for wussies!"

He'll plop himself down on his flat bench and then commence to go through some breathing exercise that resembles a Lamaze class. Once he's adequately "psyched" he'll lay back and begin a lift. Without fail the first movement will be accompanied by him loudly yelling "UP!" Each progressive rep is then accompanied with a growl or grunt of some sort. Somewhere around rep 3 he'll make use of the mirror to be sure everyone's looking...which of course no one is. This lack of attention will kick him into overdrive, escalating the growl into a borderline yell for reps 4 and 5 so everyone's sure to be watching. He'll never, and I mean NEVER, go past rep 5 because he's "Going low reps to build MASS!"

It's after Gym Guy struggles through rep 5 that you find out why he's working with dumbbells as opposed to a bench press or cable machine of some kind. Dumbbells have one distinct benefit over these apparatus. As his guttural yell reaches its peak he then takes full advantage of the dumbbells. Allowing gravity to act as his final exclamation point to his impressive display of power he slams the weights onto the floor!!! In his mind he feels he's officially reached bad ass status...in everyone else's mind he's officially reached dumb ass status.

Gym Guy then pops up and begins flailing his arms around "stretching" to keep himself loose for his next epic set. Of course he'll have plenty of time to rest as he takes about 5 minutes between sets. He doesn't want to burn himself out by moving too quickly between sets. If by chance you were waiting for him to finish up so you could use the bench, well you should just forget about it. He's got 6 sets of 5 reps each, with the 5 minute rest periods, so he's going to have that thing locked up for at least a half-hour. Besides, there is no chance he'll be wiping off his sweat OR back hair when he's done so you can pretty much consider that bench out of commission until the cleaning crew shows up and gives it the hazmat treatment.

When Gym Guy does biceps there's really not much difference. He still uses dumbbells, for the same reasons mentioned above. The breathing, grunting and slamming is all the same. He's usually standing doing alternating curls, but the movement isn't limited to his arms like it's supposed to be. Instead it's really a full body movement. It's similar to when a guy's break dancing and he drops to the ground and does the worm. It's kind of like that, but standing up.

Gym Guy will show up for this ritual through January, maybe into early February, but certainly no longer. He vanishes as quickly as he appeared...as if retreating into hibernation. Where does he go? I'm really not sure. However I do know that he'll surface briefly in the summer months to make the county and state fair circuits. I surmise this is where he replenishes his nutrients with elephant ears, corn dogs, cotton candy and Copenhagen...all vital to help him regain his PUMP come next January.

Are you freakin' kidding me????

2010-01-05T18:08:00.000-08:00

The Snuggie has met it's match. It's been called out for a backyard blanket brawl. In case you haven't seen the competition...here it is...The Original Dreamie!!!!

It's not a sheet...it's not a blanket...it's The Original Dreamie!!! It's a top sheet, a bottom sheet AND a pillow pocket ALL IN ONE! A.K.A...a blanket masquerading as a sleeping bag. HA-HA! Eat it Snuggie!!!!

How moronic is this?? Like The Snuggie wasn't ridiculous enough, along comes The Dreamie to make America look even more stupid. Only in America can we not be satisfied with a blanket so we spend fortunes re-designing it. If you think the print adds above are bad then check out the website which auto loads the commercial. I'm embarrassed for them.

https://www.buydreamie.com/

I suppose I should look at the bright side...now Kevin has another stupid gift idea for Jodie's birthday. She could wear her Snuggie inside of the Dreamie!!! It'd be like...a Sneamie...or a Druggie...no, that one doesn't work.

Mel Murray

2009-12-26T16:54:00.000-08:00

After battling cancer for quite some time, Jodie's Grandpa, Mel, passed away Christmas night at the age of 94.

I've known Mel for the past 18 years and officially married into the family 13 years ago. Over time I've not only heard the memories and stories of Mel from my wife, in-laws and other members of the extended family, but I've also had the pleasure of building my own.

One in particular...When Faye's brother Harold passed away in 2003 I drove one of the vehicles to the funeral in Wenatchee. I had a full car with Doug and Karyn, Faye, Jodie, a 3 month old baby (Avery) and Mel riding shotgun in the passenger seat. We ran into snow at about Goldendale which lasted to Yakima. At Yakima it went from bad to worse as we traveled through freezing rain the rest of the way to Wenatchee. I don't recall what time it was when we finally arrived in Wenatchee but it was late. After a 300 mile trip, 175 of which included snow, freezing rain, vehicles in ditches, dodging vehicles spinning out and following snow plows and gravel trucks for miles I was both mentally and physically exhausted, as was everyone else in the car.

Through it all Mel sat quietly. He didn't flinch, comment, scream, gasp, scoff, vomit...nothing. Rather he made occasional small talk when the conditions allowed and enjoyed his heated seat. I think this was his first experience with heated seats in a car. We had to have been driving for 6 plus hours and he didn't turn that seat off once. I half expected his backside to be so hot he'd have meat falling off the bone when he stepped out.

We settled into our rooms in the hotel and were saying our good nights when Mel, sitting in a chair in the corner, called me over. He motioned for me to stoop down so what was said would remain between he and I..."You did a good job."

I smiled, patted him on the shoulder, said thanks and told him to get some rest. I don't know if he had noticed my death-grip on the steering wheel, the whites of my eyes showing for hours on end, the unmistakable sigh of relief when I finally put the car in park, or all of the above...but whatever it was the fact that he made it a point to tell me I did a good job meant the world to me.

This memory sticks out to me because it illustrates the characteristics I most appreciated about Mel...his quiet unassuming presence, even-tempered attitude, and seemingly unshakable calm. Perhaps I appreciate these the most because I can readily admit they're the areas in which I could use the most work.

The thing that most impressed me about Mel wasn't so much an attitude or action he exhibited but instead the attitude and action of those he touched. The respect and adoration given to Mel by his grandchildren is what I find to be his most impressive quality. Listening to the personal accounts from his grandchildren is perhaps the greatest testament to the type of man Mel was.

Separated in age by six decades Mel and I didn't have a lot in common. In fact we were opposites in many ways...I never cared to play cribbage, I wouldn't eat mince-meat pie even if I were starving, I'm not really cut out for quilting and I just don't have the skills to pull off a look that includes Velcro shoes. Despite our differences I always enjoyed spending time with Mel and came to develop what I would consider a friendship with him. He will be greatly missed and things won't be the same without him.

What I Love Most About the Christmas Season...

2009-12-08T19:23:00.000-08:00

I love how a handful of radio stations start playing Christmas music on Thanksgiving. Yeah...cuz that's completely necessary. Do we really need Christmas music 24/7 for an entire month? It's enough to push me over the edge before the calendar even flips to December.
I love how I get to spend time on the roof in below freezing temperatures to voluntarily increase my electric bill by putting up Christmas lights. At least we went all Husker red and white this year...Go Big Red!

I love that my kids are old enough now that they could care less if I even put the lights up. Now if I could only convince their mother that it's pointless...
I love that we get to hear all the whining and complaining about "religious" displays in public places again. Apparently I missed the part in the bible where Frosty the Snowman was listed as one of the Wise Men, or where there was no room at the inn so Joseph and Mary had to kick Rudolph out of the barn so they could put up a Christmas tree and give birth to Jesus. This really irritates me. Look...if you really hate Christmas so much and are so adamant about protesting every aspect of it do me a favor...fore go your day off and go into work on December 25th. Otherwise quit complaining and enjoy your day off. You're welcome. The 95% of us are getting tired of accommodating the 5% of you.
I love the fact that you can't get within 2 miles of the Town Center without getting stuck in traffic.
I love that the best Christmas movie ever is all over TV...Christmas Vacation!

I love that the second best Christmas movie ever is all over TV...Die Hard!

I love that Jubelale is back in season...thank you Deschutes Brewery.

I love that I get to put a dead tree in my living room, providing a nice dry tinder source for the multiple strands of Christmas lights to potentially ignite.
I love that Jodie has eight...count 'em, eight...Rubbermaid tubs full of Christmas decorations that adorn nearly every corner of our house.
I love that this group is part of her decorations. Why are their mouths like that???

I love that Aric and Cade can't cut down the tree without fighting. Examples on Jodie's blog:
2008: http://jkbergers.blogspot.com/2008/12/oh-christmas-tree.html
2009: http://jkbergers.blogspot.com/2009/12/o-christmas-tree.html
I love that it's dark when I go to work...and dark when I come home.
I love peppermint mocha's, peppermint ice cream and peppermint schnapps.
I love watching people nervously saying Merry Christmas...not knowing if they're "supposed" to say Happy Holidays, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa, Happy Festivus...??? Just say Merry Christmas. If someone gets offended then that's their problem. No sense in compromising who you are or what you believe because someone else has hangups. Perhaps try politely explaining what Christmas means to you, why you aren't willing suppress what the true meaning of the season is, and then get in a plug for Easter. If they're still "offended", they'll get over it. If not, they can take it up with Jesus when he comes back...I'm sure he'll be happy to address their concerns.

We're breaking at work again between Christmas and New Year's so I'll be home again with the family for something like 12 days. I'm not sure if I'm going to do my Christmas Vacation Diary again or not...we'll see. I'm sure the kids will come up with more priceless knowledge, sayings and philosophies so I'll have something to post at some point I'm sure...just not sure I'll be devoting daily time to doing it. I'm just getting lazy...or lazier...

Some things are beyond explanation...

2009-11-28T18:52:00.000-08:00

Why would you suppose all these people are gathered together?

A. For the fall of the Berlin Wall?

B. For tickets to a Hannah Montana concert?

C. For an anti-Obama rally?

D. To place their order for the return of the McRib?

Actually none of the above...these morons are gathered outside a Walmart in the middle of the night for Black Friday shopping. There are certain phenomenon in life that I can't quite understand and this is pretty close to the top of the list. I don't want to be at Walmart at 2:00 in the afternoon, let alone 2:00 in the morning. What exactly is the draw here? What possesses seemingly normal people to stand in line like zombies for 10% off the recently jacked up price of home electronics and kitchen appliances? The oft provided answer "It's for the great prices" is just garbage in my mind. As I stated previously, their wonderful "discounts" look to be offered on products where they've already increased the pricing earlier in the year...jack pricing up 20% in July so they can drop it 10% in November and convince you that you're getting a "great deal".

The people I feel sorry for in this mess are the poor clerks at the store. They have to work crazy hours in the middle of the night with a front row seat to the worst behavior humanity has to offer. Look at this poor guy at Target...

Oh yeah...that looks like it's worth every penny of the minimum wage that he's surely making. The poor guy is probably working an extra job to provide for his family in a crappy economy, finding himself working next to some other guy home from college for the holidays trying to make a few bucks to cover books next semester. Judging by the look on his face it's probably a good thing that Target doesn't carry handguns.

Every year I sit and watch the news reports of the madness...the brawl at Walmart, some lady cussing people out at Target, or the guy that cut in line at Toys-R-Us sending shock waves of drama through the crowd that's already wasted 8 hours of their life in line. Of course I usually watch this by myself because Jodie's out there somewhere "saving" me money. I've questioned her but haven't gained any further insight into why this makes any sense at all. Long story short though, it saves me from having to do the shopping so I'm not going to push.

The Blazer Game

2009-11-13T16:31:00.000-08:00

Kevin got a good deal on some tickets to the Blazers vs. Spurs game last week so Jodie and I joined he and Vic.

It was a good game. The Blazers won and we got to see Brandon Roy, Greg Oden, Tim Duncan, Tony Parker, some chick with her G-string hiked up to her shoulders...

Not sure what the deal is here. She could nearly wear the thing like suspenders. It almost looks like someone gave her a power wedgie with a crane and a bungee cord. I like how the look works with the jeans tucked into the cowboy boots...kinda like a cowgirl who has a double use for her lasso. Of course the funniest part of the night was me working for about a quarter of the game to get a pic of this. You think she would've noticed all the flashes every time she bent over.

Beware of The Food Network

2009-10-31T08:01:00.000-07:00

Who knew that when watching The Food Network you need to be prepared for inappropriate comments that your kids might pick up??? You think you'd be safe watching someone season a brisket, mash up some potatoes or boil some pasta. Apparently not.

That's Giada De Laurentis...host of Everyday Italian...weekdays at 4:30. It kills Jodie that I watch this, but she makes great food and I find it to be a great learning experience for me...besides, she also happens to be hot so heck yeah I'm watching! I have actually applied a few recipes and Jodie didn't do much complaining while eating them. Deep down I don't think she cares what I watch as long as she doesn't have to cook, but she does enjoy giving me a hard time.

I was watching the show the other day and Cade happened to be there with me. Giada was crafting a dessert...hazelnut chocolate pie with vanilla whipped cream...and of course she had to sample the finished product. Like with any cooking show, or info-mercial for that matter, it's usually an over the top dramatic performance of how good the dish actually is for the sake of the camera. Giada often interjects adjectives such as "decadent" or "elegant" or some such garbage. I don't much care as long as it tastes good. Anyhow, on this occasion she exclaimed that this dish was soooo good "It's like a party in your mouth!!" Cade instantly burst out in laughter...HA-AAHAHHHAHAHHHAAAA!!!!! Now I'm certain he doesn't really get the double meaning that comes with that phrase, but never-the-less he found it quite funny.

Fast forward to Aric's birthday party this past Thursday and we find Cade sitting down to an enormous ice cream sundae piled high with hot fudge, whipped cream and sprinkles. Indulging in his first bite Cade exclaims "MMMMMM...It's like a party in your mouth!!!"

Please consider this post a Public Service Announcement...should you at some point be eating with Cade and hear this statement, or some variation thereof, you now understand the origin. Don't be alarmed, he's just expressing his appreciation for the culinary creation before him.

The Boys Football

2009-10-24T20:27:00.000-07:00

Today was the boys last game of their regular season. The 6 win, 0 loss Cavs facing the 6 win, 0 loss Lakers from Lake Oswego. It couldn't have worked out better schedule wise. Up until now our kids have been walking through teams with little effort. Today was to be a big test. However, prior to the game we learned from the LO coach that they had 5 kids out with the flu. Whether or not this was posturing or true...who knows? Regardless, we still felt we were in for a fight.

The game started with LO on offense. We had our best defense on the field...the defense that not only hasn't been scored on, but hasn't even given up a first down. Three plays into the game and LO was blasting through our defense, ripping off plays in 9 yard chunks. Needless to say we were a little taken aback. Finally we held, forcing them to punt. On the punt our returner picked the ball up and headed to his right; he abruptly changed direction and headed back to his left with an entourage of lead blockers in front. He went 60 yards for a touchdown. After the point after it was 8-0 Cavs (In the 3rd 4th league you get 2 points for a kick, hence the 8 points).

LO was back on offense and gouging our defense for huge chunks of yardage again, but we managed to stop them deep in our territory and they turned the ball over on downs. Our offense finally took the field for the first time with about 1 minute left in the first quarter. This is where things got interesting for Aric. Lined up at Tight End, Aric had the responsibility of blocking #4, their Defensive End, for the entire day. #4 happened to be the best player on their team, and for that matter the best (i.e. toughest, strongest and fastest) player that we've faced all season. It took about 2 plays to realize that Aric REALLY had his work cut out for him. With probably 4 minutes left in the 2nd quarter we scored on a long pass play and widened the margin to 16-0. Although we were up two touchdowns we were having to battle...hard...for every yard. We had kids coming out hurt on what seemed like every other play, they were hitting us hard on defense and when we went to hit them their runners wouldn't go down without 3 of our kids hanging on them. I honestly don't know how we were ahead or how we kept them out of the end zone, but we managed to.

In the second quarter we had one of our more physical players, Zandon, carried off the field with a leg injury. Clearly he wasn't going to be able to continue and after some evaluation it was determined he needed to get it looked at...soon. It turned out later that Zandon broke his leg and his season is done. He's now casted to his hip on his right leg. It's the worst thing that could happen. You really feel for the kid because he's worked so hard, as all the kids have, and you hate to see something like that happen.

Prior to the half Aric was clearly bothered by his matchup with #4. He was battling hard but didn't feel like he was getting it done. It was one of those matchups where the other guy was bigger and faster and Aric wasn't going to be able to shut him down. Instead, he was going to have to not only be physical but he was going to have to play smarter than the other guy. This was tough for him to process, as his frustration was leading to tears. It was going to be a chance to see how he responded to adversity.

The third quarter was a stalemate as both sides continued to hammer on each other. Aric continued pounding away at #4 despite being held, grabbed by the shoulder pads and dragged down, and taking multiple shots to the head. Although these are all penalties, none were called. But, these tactics evidenced that #4 felt he had to do something to get an advantage...proof that Aric was holding his ground and likely frustrating him. I tried telling Aric this but the tears showed up again as he was so mad that he was getting beat on and nothing was being called. As unfair as it might be he still got the cliche answer..."That's part of football, you have to just deal with it and play your game."

Midway through the 4th quarter our Quarterback, Mitchell, went down injured after a run. Aric shifted to Quarterback as Mitchell had to sit out at least one play. At this point we were still only up 2 scores and there was enough time left that the game wasn't decided. Given his emotions throughout the previous three quarters of dealing with #4 I wasn't sure how he'd react...particularly since #4 was lined up at Defensive End and probably ready to get a running start at him. Under Center Aric snapped the ball and pitched to our running back who cut up field, broke a tackle and ran it in for a 30 yard touchdown. Turns out I didn't have anything to worry about at all. He was extremely composed and didn't bat an eye at having to get in at Quarterback. I was proud of him...he showed great resiliency. That score made it a 3 possession game and for all intents and purposes sealed our win.

On the next defensive series #4, who also was their best Running Back, came barreling up the middle directly at Aric. Aric held his ground, wrapped him up and brought him down. He didn't try and do too much, he squared up and made a solid tackle. After that play #4 left the game. I don't know if he left hurt or not, but he didn't return.

The game ended 24-0, Cavs. When shaking hands with LO after the game #4 was crying as we went through the line. I pulled Aric aside afterward and told him that was why he couldn't let his emotions get the best of him and let another player get in his head. Even though Aric felt like he was getting beat during the game, when it was all said and done he won. He didn't quit, he didn't give in, he stood in there and did his best and he and his team came out on top. Hopefully he learned something about himself during this game...I certainly did.

Although I haven't mentioned Cade during this post, he did a great job and played a great game as well. Cade, being one of the younger players on the team, just isn't going to get heavy playing time in tough games like this. He put in some quality reps on defense and played his role well. His time will come next year when he's one of the older kids. Although at times that can be tough to understand, he accepted it which is really a huge victory as well. Maybe Cade learned something from this game as well???

The team finished 7-0 and have one more game to go, their Medal Game, which is the equivalent of a bowl game. They'll be matched up with a team of similar record...who yet we don't know. It'd be great if they could come away with a win to finish with an unbeaten season. Either way it's been a great season and I think both Aric and Cade have learned a lot and had a lot of fun. Although, once the season is over I don't know what they're going to do to take out their aggression. More than likely there are more brother on brother fights in our near future.

A new toy

2009-10-15T18:21:00.000-07:00

I found a website where you can make your own "motivational" posters. Of course the definition of "motivational" is up for debate, but I'm talking about posters like this:

I have no idea who the moron with the collars is, I just found that on the Internet as an example. I've found making your own posters involving your own family and friends is much more entertaining. Naturally my first instinct was to try and utilize this new tool and find a way to recognize Jodie and her cooking. It didn't take long:

But why stop there??? The possibilities are endless...

At least it's entertaining enough to keep me occupied for an evening. That's not saying much though...my attention span isn't exactly what you'd call...Uhh...dang it, I forgot what I was saying.

Where I've been...

2009-10-15T17:41:00.000-07:00

Football. That sums it up. That's essentially all I've done for the last month or so. Practice 3 and 4 nights a week and games on Saturdays. In fact, I only have time tonight because practice got cancelled due to seemingly pandemic illness on the team.

The boys are playing on the same team this year; 3rd and 4th grade tackle. Cade is starting at right corner on defense and the kickoff team. Aric is starting at right side linebacker and tight end and is also the backup quarterback.

Both boys are doing really well. Aric, being a 4th grader, gets a TON of playing time. I'm still waiting for him to play to his potential. It still surprises me that he isn't more aggressive but I think deep down he's a little scared to screw up so his confidence isn't there. He's shown flashes of it though. Offensively the kid catches just about anything near him. I knew winging balls at him for years would eventually pay off.

Cade...oh Cade. As it is with most things concerning Cade, football is a challenge. He's a young 3rd grader so there's a lot of learning for him to do. He has a lot of potential but until he gets past his "I can't" attitude it's not going to show. There is also the size thing...he's not the biggest kid after all. An example:

On the left, Ashton...5'6" and 170 lbs. On the right, Cade...4'3" and 59 lbs. I guess you can't blame him for being a little intimidated and not wanting to get killed. Although, Ashton is the exception in the league. There are some big boys, but not quite that big.

Cade has had some great games, made some great tackles and catches, but we continue to battle his attitude at practice. Again, it's mostly his age, but it's tough at times. Of course I'm also helping coach and he and I on the same field doesn't always work out too well.

As a team, they are KILLING people. I knew they were going to be pretty good after a few practices, but they are flat out dominating teams. To date they are 5 and 0 and no one has even come close. Going from memory, I think they've scored a total of 146 points over the 5 games and only given up 12. Worse than that you can't have a margin of victory greater than 34 points without the coaches getting fined. We've had a few games where we had to start running kids out of bounds in the 3rd quarter so we wouldn't score any more. So the 146 points is a little deceiving...they could be well ahead of that.

It's been fun to watch and be a part of...and it's been a learning experience for me dealing with both boys and their different personalities on the same team. One of these days football will be wrapped up and I might get to find out what it's like to come home from work and sit down to dinner rather than woofing it down on the way out the door.

When parenting backfires...

2009-09-13T20:17:00.001-07:00

Don't ya hate it when you're trying to teach your kids a lesson and it comes back around to bite you in the butt??

Here's Aric with his first attempt water skiing:

He gave it a shot...sucked in a few gallons of lake water and was done. In other words, a perfect moment for dad to jump in with the "You can't be afraid to try new things" and "You can never give up, you have to keep trying" speeches.

"Hey Jess, you wanna try wake boarding??"

Uhh...what??? Did some idiot just ask me if I wanted to wake board??? I've never wake boarded before!!

"Are you going to try dad?" Aric piped in.

"Uhh...yeah, sure...I'll give it a try." I less than confidently proclaimed. Mind you, Jeff, Jodie's brother, was the one driving the boat. I'll spare you the details but suffice it to say that I have adamantly stated I would never get behind a boat again if Jeff was driving. But...I can't back out of the lessons I was trying to teach...so...I strapped up and with Jeff at the wheel I jumped into my watery grave.

I gave it 5 tries and got up for about 1-1/2 seconds, but I tried. It was actually pretty fun and I'm looking forward to giving it another shot in the future.

Proof you can't choose your family...

2009-09-13T19:25:00.000-07:00

This...is Kevin:

You've probably seen some pics of Kevin in earlier posts relating to our motorcycle trip to Bend. Kevin is my sisters...fiancee. Sorry for the pause, I threw up a little bit. Before you ask, no she wasn't drunk or anything. For whatever reason she actually likes the guy. You'll note in the picture Kevin is wearing a Nebraska Cornhuskers shirt...primarily because he wasn't given a choice. This picture was taken the night he proposed, after Nebraska's opening game win.

Kevin gathered both his and our family for his proposal at my parents house after the game. For some reason the guy was nerved out of his mind. I haven't seen him that shaken up since...well, since his near miss on the motorcycle which involved a cloud of smoke, fish-tailing, a screeching tire, and his eye's bulging out of their sockets. Apparently to Kev getting engaged runs parallel with a near death experience on a motorcycle. Much like the motorcycle incident, I also found plenty of humor in his proposal.

For starters, Kevin came over to me and exclaimed "Man, there's a lot of people here!" What I was thinking..."Well yeah, of course there's a lot of people here...you invited them jackass!!"...but what I said..."Don't worry about it, it's not like she's going to say no." You know me...ever the pillar of support. The voice of reason and calm in the most tumultuous of times.

When it was time for the big moment Kevin began spewing something about Vic being special, or the right person, or she made him happy, or some crap like that...I wasn't really paying attention. The funny part came when he dropped to a knee and began stammering "V-V-V-Vicki R-R-R-Ruth A-Ann...w-w-w-w-will you m-m-mmm-m-mm-marry me?????" No, he doesn't have a speech impediment and near as I can tell he isn't retarded (although I'm not yet willing to guarantee it)...clearly his nerves were getting the best of him. Actually, save for a little quiver in his voice, it came out pretty smooth, but for the sake of this post it sounds better if he could barely spit it out. Although Vic and I are brother and sister she is clearly the more sensitive of the two. If it were me I would've messed with him some before giving a response...just to see what happened. She however gave the immediate yes and took all the fun out of it.

I do like Kevin...he's a good guy, doesn't take himself too seriously and is good to Vic. Whether I like it or not it seems inevitable that Kevin will soon be a part of the family...legally wed to my sister with the potential of contaminating our gene pool.

I suppose as long as he keeps wearing his Husker red he'll be fine...or at the very least acceptable.

Husker Football

2009-09-13T19:19:00.000-07:00

The 2009 season is underway and Nebraska has started off 2-0...vs. some less than stellar opponents. The big test comes next weekend vs. Virginia Tech.

GO BIG RED!!!

When it rains, it pours.

2009-09-07T19:59:00.000-07:00

This week has been yet another barrage of broken items around our place. For whatever reason things have been breaking seemingly non-stop over the last year. I'm not sure if I'm living wrong, if I ticked someone off, or what. I personally have two theories as to why all the trouble:

This is God's way of building character and preparing me for something.
Quite a while ago my dad prayed that God would give me patience.

It's likely a combination of both...but if it's directly related to number two then the old man and I need to have a little talk.

Now I don't want to sit here and launch into a pity party, but I just had to sit down and itemize the things that I can actually remember breaking or crapping out and requiring repair and/or replacement over the last 12 months...just for the historical record of things. So, in no particular order...

Avery's arm broke falling off the monkey bars.
The bottom end of the motorcycle needed completely redone. Cams, lifters, pushrods, cam tensioners, oil pump, etc., etc., etc...
The mechanic working on the bike put the wrong exhaust back on and didn't have anything to offer to make it right.
Had to re-do one of the pushrods because the idiot mechanics tore an o-ring putting it together.
New battery for the bike.
New tires for the bike.
The vacuum (our second in a year) died because Jodie vacuum's obsessively...about 3 times a day. It finally waved the white flag and gave up.
The bulb burnt out on the TV.
The DVD player makes some high-pitched noise that could make a dogs ears bleed. It has yet to be replaced.
The dishwasher died...bought a new one.
The new dishwasher leaked, requiring me to remove it, return it, and install yet another new one.
The refrigerator died...bought a new one.
The microwave died...bought a new one.
The faucet in the master bathroom started leaking into the wall and dripping water into the crawl space. Plumber called in to save the day. Thank God he was a family member
The flush valve went out in the master bathroom toilet. I replaced it.
The flush valve AND fill valve went out in the main bathroom toilet. I replaced them.
Either the hot water heater or the pressure relief valve on the hot water heater is broken. The verdict is still TBD with this one as it's an in progress problem.
The spare tire fell off Jodie's car. You read it right...it fell off. Don't know where it went, but it fell off and we had to get a new one.
The ignition lockout module shorted out in Jodie's car.
The windshield in Jodie's car broke when a rock kicked up and hit it en-route to a camping trip.
The heater core went out in Jodie's car.
The subwoofer blew out in Jodie's car.
The rear windshield wiper broke off/fell off/ripped off of Jodie's car??? I question this because I came out of the grocery store and found it lying on the ground. The funny part is Jodie was in the car while I was in the store and she says nothing bumped into the car or made a noise. It's a mystery...
The heater went out on the driver side seat in Jodie's car. She's going to just have to live with it.
Jodie's cell phone broke...bought a new one.
The fiberglass panel at the rear of our tent trailer broke when we hit a crater en-route to a camping trip.
We borrowed a pop-up shade canopy for a camping trip and managed to break a leg off putting it up.
Someone backed into the Honda and buckled the front of the hood...not that it really has an affect to the overall look of the car. Of course they didn't bother leaving a note or anything.
The Honda actually has quite a bit more wrong with it...but I'm just ignoring it for now due to the other items mentioned and the associated costs. I'm sure that'll catch up with me soon enough.

Despite all this garbage we're really no worse for the wear. Perhaps a little lighter in the bank account than I would like, but if that's our biggest problem I can live with it. Things are almost to the point where it's just laughable...almost...

Something that's been bugging me...

2009-09-07T14:37:00.000-07:00

Why is it that people are so freakin' slow crossing the street anymore?? When I was a kid I was raised to understand that crossing a crosswalk was to be treated as a sprint...not a crawl. When that sign switched to this:

Then you had better get on your horse and get your butt across the street. If you didn't...then you could expect to be run down and no one would feel an ounce sorry for you.

Obviously this wasn't communicated to everyone because I constantly find myself sitting at an intersection watching some inconsiderate slug, talking on their cell phone, take their sweet time dragging their lazy carcass across the street. What's worse is when they glance your way and give you that look...you know the one...like they're daring you to hit 'em. It's tempting...soooo tempting. Invariably if you follow their path of travel across the street you'll find a mini-mart of some kind. You're likely witnessing their daily migration to the Ho-Ho, Twinkie and Big Gulp feeding grounds. You'd think the fact that there's sugary treats at the end of this journey would give them some cause to hustle a bit, but that never seems to be the case. No, they're content to step off the curb with the Walk sign and somehow manage to only move 8 feet before the Don't Walk starts flashing at them, which gives them no sense of urgency whatsoever. They will then proceed to leisurely saunter across a 4 lane highway with no care for anything going on around them. As far as they're concerned the entire world should literally come to a stop while they engage in what is likely their only physical activity for the day. The part that I find the most baffling...how can someone who is moving so slow crossing the street possibly be out of breath when they get to the other side?????

Do us all a favor and MOVE YOUR...

E-mailed Thoughts

2009-08-21T21:18:00.000-07:00

It's pretty rare anymore to receive an "original" joke e-mail that doesn't rehash something that's hit your inbox at least a half-dozen times already. You know you get 'em...the same old blonde jokes, "favorite things" lists, "little Johnny" jokes, stories detailing if you'd spent your money buying beer instead of investing in the stock market you'd have been money ahead with the recycled aluminum, Obama/Bush jokes...etc...etc...etc...they get kind of old after a while.

But every once in a while something fresh comes along, or at least it's fresh to you. Something that actually makes you laugh out loud in your prison cell...I mean cubicle. Something that makes your co-workers on the other side of the cube wall wonder if you've finally snapped. My sister-in-law, Jenelle, sent me one of those this week. A compilation of random thoughts. It's new to me, so if you've already seen it...add it to the list of crap in paragraph one.. If you haven't seen it yet...I'm sure you will soon enough. You're probably wondering why I didn't forward you the original e-mail...don't get your panties in a bunch, I didn't forward it to anyone. It takes too much effort to enter all your e-mail addresses on a forward...for the record I'm too lazy to make a "friends" list with everyone on it and there's no guarantee you'd make the list anyway. Rather than post all the entries on this e-mail I'll just give you a few of my fav's:

I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they've invented the lighter?
The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase "Regards" again.
There is a great need for "sarcasm" font. (It would make this blogging thing much easier.)
Was learning cursive really necessary?
My brother's Municipal League baseball team is named the Stepdads. Seeing as none of the guys on the team are actual stepdads, I inquired about the name. He explained, "Cuz we beat you, and you hate us."Classy, bro.
Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".
MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren’t doing anything productive for the rest of the day.
Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.
I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
While watching the Olympics, I find myself cheering equally for China and USA. No, I am not of Chinese descent, but I am fairly certain that when Chinese athletes don’t win, they are executed.
I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.
Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I think that if, years down the road when I’m trying to have a kid, I find out that I’m sterile, most of my disappointment will stem from the fact that I was not aware of my condition in college.
My son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?
I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.
The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimated that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There’s nothing like being made to feel like a fat bastard before dinner.

This shouldn't surprise anyone...

2009-08-21T20:47:00.000-07:00

Hey...who's the hot chick with the Snuggie???!!!

No, not that one...this one...

Thanks to Kevin, Jodie is now sportin' the Snuggie. This has been a goal, dream, aspiration...whatever...for her for way too long. I'm not sure what her fascination with the Snuggie is, but just look at the pictures. I don't think I've ever seen her so happy. Her smile in our wedding pictures isn't that big.

I really don't know that I can bring myself to post this for the Hot Chick of the Month pic...it really goes against everything that Hot Chick stand for. Unless...the Snuggie is all she's wearing...but unfortunately it's not and I can't try and tell myself otherwise for the post. I know better and it just ruins it. There's a reason they don't sell Snuggies at Victoria's Secret or Frederick's ladies...

I did stumble across something interesting while searching for Snuggie related pic's on the Internet...the male version of the Snuggie...

And such manly colors. Oh well, it's hilarious anyway.

Bike Trippin'...side note #2

2009-08-08T12:31:00.000-07:00

Mark and Kalli are our best friends and I wouldn't normally say anything...BUT...

Kalli could not / would not keep her hands off Mark this trip. We're talking gratuitous public display's of affection!! I've never seen anything like it.

It seemed like everytime we turned around she was groping him...

Or jumping into his arms...

Or stripping down to her bikini on the bike...

After a while it was like - "Okay Kalli, we get it!!! Your tongues work!!! No need to further demonstrate!"

I really felt for Mark after a while...poor guy. And you wonder how they ended up with 4 kids...

Bike Trippin'...side note #1

2009-08-08T12:17:00.000-07:00

We really made it a point to focus on fashion for this trip:

Actually, Jodie looks pretty good in her picture...I just had to throw something in with mine. BUT...without question the best dressed award goes to:

I know I've seen that look somewhere before...

Bike Trippin'...The rest...

2009-08-08T12:01:00.000-07:00

The rest of our trip consisted of the following:

Riding to Prineville Reservoir and watching the thunderstorms form in the mirrors, knowing we'd be coming through them getting home.
Swimming at Prineville Reservoir and trying to avoid gulping down mouth fulls of algae & lake water.
Riding back to Bend with thunderstorms virtually surrounding us and only getting rained on in short spurts.
Narrowly missing the worst downpour and thunder and lightning storm I've ever seen in Oregon before getting back to the house.
Mark Kevin and I driving through Bend in the truck looking for stores who hadn't lost power yet.
Losing power at the house.
Playing pool by candlelight...out of necessity, not for the romantic effect.
Returning home through Sisters and Detroit.
Me getting stung by a bee...again...in Detroit.
Swimming in the Clackamas on the way home.
Me getting home to find yet another bee in my shorts. This time fortunately no sting. Although I did drop trou' and go naked in the garage to get him out of my shorts.

It was a great trip. Just shy of 1,200 miles in 4 days. Looking forward to it again next year!!!

Bike Trippin'...Cascade Lakes

2009-08-08T11:21:00.001-07:00

We left relatively early to take the loop through the Cascade Lakes. As we climbed Mt. Bachelor we started passing runners and bikers going the other direction. Apparently they were doing some race on the same route we were traveling, which meant lots of traffic and slow vehicles.

We stopped at Elk Lake for a stretch. This is a really pretty lake with great views of the mountains. Plus, it's unique as their dock has nothing but sailboats tied.

We didn't hang out at Elk Lake long because I got a little hungry...we went into their store and a Snickers was $2. A regular Snickers, not a king size. So, we packed up and headed to Cultus Lake. They got Snickers for a buck...I'm thrifty. This is probably my favorite lake on the loop due to their patio area. You can just sit and look out across the lake and relax. It's really nice.

We left Cultus and before long noticed a lot of dump trucks coming from the direction we were heading. As luck would have it we ran into construction...again...and yet another paving project. The construction began at an intersection which provided a bypass to Lapine that was still paved. However, shortly before we arrived some kids took that corner too fast and rolled their car. The emergency vehicles had the road blocked and life flight lifted off as we pulled up. It was a pretty sobering scene as you could see the paramedics working on one of the kids probably 50ft from where we were. We never did hear any news about the condition of any of the kids, but we all did some praying for them.

We pulled over in some shade at the intersection to weigh our options. They were pretty limited...

We could go back the way we came, but we were pretty far in and didn't have enough gas to get back...so it wasn't really even an option.
We could stay at the intersection and wait for the accident to clear, but there were still emergency vehicles arriving and there was no telling how long it was going to be.
We could endure what the flagger told us was 11 miles of gravel.

After a brief conversation we settled on the gravel road option. The water truck had just come through and knocked the dust down so we thought (hoped) it wouldn't be that bad. Jodie and I led, followed by Mark and Kalli, and then Kevin and Vic. The dust and road surface weren't too bad for the first mile or so, but then it turned back to dry surface and became a dust storm. After that it transitioned into a near mud surface, and then to a loose rock (not gravel) surface with some of the rocks running about 2" in diameter. This was the longest 11 miles I had ever ridden. My hands were KILLING me by the time we were done due to the death grip I had on the bars.

As soon as we hit pavement we immediately pulled over and stretched a bit to try and relieve a little of the stress. The girls found that if you ran your finger down your arm you could literally scrape the dirt away. It was SEXY!! We got back on the bikes and rode just around the corner to find the Deschutes River...we pulled over and jumped in. It felt great!

Bike Trippin'...The guys ride.

2009-08-08T09:52:00.000-07:00

On day two Mark, Kevin and I decided to head out early on a ride while the ladies relaxed on their own at home. We left at 7:30 and thought we'd be back around 12:00 or so, then we'd take the girls for a ride from there.

We gassed up and thought we'd head toward China Hat. We were whippin' along with Mark in the lead, Kevin following and me trailing. The scenery was really getting nice as we rounded a corner and the pavement ended. Mark and Kevin didn't get stopped until they were about 100ft into the gravel...I was able to stop on the pavement...one of the benefits of trailing.

Plan B...we headed back to Hwy 97 and headed south toward Lapine. We took Hwy 31 which runs to Lakeview...and RENO! It was tempting. This is a pretty remote stretch of road so we were able to travel at a rather rapid pace, which gave us the thought that this would end up being a pretty quick trip even though it was going to be about 370 miles.

Kevin learned a valuable lesson on this trip...always be aware of the bike in front of you...always! Mark slowed down to make sure we weren't missing a turn...Kevin didn't. When Kevin realized Mark was slowing down he locked 'em up and smoked the back tire as he went flying by Mark. I was still trailing at this point so I didn't get to see Kevin's eyes, but according to Mark they were roughly 5 to 6 inches in diameter as he passed. He managed to keep the bike upright...and surprisingly I did too. I was laughing so hard I thought I was going to dump it. And for the record, I didn't start laughing until things were back under control...I'm not that big of a jerk...most of the time.

We stopped for breakfast in Silver Lake. I'm still trying to figure out why it's called that because I never did see a lake. We ate at a diner that was on day two of their business...and it showed. They had probably 3 tables in the place and the bar. I think there was probably 7 people in there counting us, but it still took FOREVER to get served. Proof that small towns just move at a slower pace.

We passed through Paisley and then turned north on Hwy 395 headed for Wagon Tire and Riley. We gassed again in Wagon Tire, where I managed to spill fuel additive all over my tank and engine. With as hot as the engine was at this point I'm probably lucky that the stuff didn't ignite. We left Wagon Tire with the temps soaring into the 90's. Somehow time had flown by and we hadn't covered as much ground as we thought we would...it was already noon and we still had 130 miles to go. To make matters worse the lady working the counter informed us of long delays due to construction on Hwy 20. Beautiful...more construction.

We hit Hwy 20 just west of Riley and didn't travel more than 5 miles before hitting the line of construction traffic. This stretch of highway has absolutely no trees or shade whatsoever...nothing but sagebrush for miles. Two cars in front of us was a truck pulling an RV. Rather than bake in the sun I opted to sneak up the shoulder and park in the shade of their RV. This peaked the attention of the guy driving the truck and the kids in the backseat. Soon enough the kids were smiling and waving...they rolled down the window so we verified that it was okay that we parked there.

Once the pilot car picked up our line we moved at a snails pace through loose gravel and more fresh road tar. This continued for what seemed like ever...I'm guessing 20 miles. Of course once you finally break out of the construction everyone is bunched together and it's pretty difficult to pass. At this point Kevin is leading, I'm following and Mark is trailing. Kevin was having a hard time finding a gap to pass the vehicles in front of us...but apparently the guy behind us in the 40ft motorcoach pulling the 20ft enclosed trailer had no problem at all. He came whipping around us spraying loose gravel the whole way. Here we are on bikes that are probably capable of going 0-60 in about 5 seconds and we just got passed by a freakin' motorhome pulling a trailer. I pulled up and paralleled Kevin, looked at him, and told him I was completely embarrassed, and then fell back into formation. This was very traumatizing...I'm just now able to talk about it.

It took quite some time but we finally got to passing some people and got back above 60mph. This was nice considering it was probably about 98 degrees and we were all dehydrated. We estimated we'd be back at 12:00...but we didn't pull in until about 3:00. We were pretty wiped out and weren't in any condition to take the girls out for a ride. We parked the bikes, cleaned up, took the truck Mark and Penny had left us and headed into town for dinner at Typhoon.

How Cute...

2009-08-08T09:41:00.000-07:00

The Hot Chick found her dog...

Who knew Jodie was into short, stocky things that slobber and snarl???

Bike Trippin'...Crater Lake

2009-08-08T09:06:00.001-07:00

Check it out...WE remembered to charge the camera this year!!!!!!

Last year when WE went to Crater Lake the camera battery died about 10 pictures into the park because WE forgot the camera charger at home. WE didn't make that mistake this year...WE remembered. WE did so much better this year! Yeah for WE!!

Not far into the park we continued what I mentioned in the previous post was our theme for the trip.

They were spreading fresh oil and paving. That oil made for a nice cleanup job on the bike...real nice. The temperature at the lake was a lot better this year. In fact, we changed into shorts at our lunch break.

After the lake we headed back to the house and met Mark and Penny to head out for dinner and more lounging on the porch.

Bike Trippin'...How to pack your luggage.

2009-08-08T08:48:00.001-07:00

If you're Jodie, this is how you pack your luggage:

If you're Jess, this is how you pack your luggage:

There's a six-pack in there. Rather than pay the "movie theater pricing" at the Crater Lake lodge we thought it best to bring lunch in this time. We loaded the food into our luggage pack and turned one of the saddlebags into a cooler. It worked great! We had a healthy lunch of jerky, Cheetos, Doritos, Gobstoppers, Hot Tamales, Corn Nuts, some sort of party mix, and Coors Light. Although Jodie will try and convince you that this was "the group's" food...don't believe it. 70% of the stuff in that pack is hers. Not joking.

Bike Trippin'

2009-08-08T07:48:00.000-07:00

We left on Wednesday evening the 29th for what we hope to make our annual motorcycle trip to central Oregon. Jodie and I, Mark and Kalli, and this year Vic and her boyfriend Kevin came along. We were headed to Bend again to stay with our friends Mark and Penny...same as last year.

It was about 107 degrees as we left Boring, which made for a less than exciting start to the trip. If you've never been on a bike at temps of 100+...you're really missing out. It's relatively miserable. The combined heat of the road surface, the engine and the air temp make it feel like you're sitting on a frying pan in the oven using a hair dryer. It's great. However, once we hit Government camp it got much better, although I swear my butt made the sound a Fruit Roll-up does when you peel it off the wrapper when I got off the seat.

The rest of the ride after that was great! The temps were in the low 80's as we traveled over Mt. Hood and across the flats to Warm Springs. It warmed up again briefly in Warm Springs, but cooled back down again as we climbed the hill toward Madras. It got dark on us between Madras and Terrebonne...and did I mention the bugs?? There were a few. I could hardly see through the windshield by the time we got to Redmond.

Between Redmond and Bend the theme for our trip was established:

They were down to 1 lane paving. We ran into A LOT of construction on this trip. We didn't make it to Mark and Penny's until around 10:00, but we chose to travel in the evening in hopes of staying cooler...and to get there early so we'd have a full day of riding on Thursday rather than spend the whole day getting there. Upon our arrival we said our hello's to Mark and Penny and within minutes were lounging on the front porch with a beer...perfect!

A Rare Quiet Morning

2009-07-25T07:44:00.000-07:00

It's one of those mornings where things are quiet...but almost too quiet.

The kids spent the night at my parents last night so it was just Jodie and I. I woke up at about 7:00, made coffee, and decided it might be nice to start a fire in the pit in the backyard. The sun is out and it's a beautiful morning...there is no noise but the popping of the fire and the cackling of the neighbors chickens. Yes, we live in a sub-division with 7,000 square foot lots and our neighbors have chickens. I'll cover this at another time.

I'm sitting here drinking my coffee by the fire, surfing the news on the Internet...heck, I even cooked myself up a gourmet breakfast of Pop-Tarts! How exactly do Pop-Tarts count as a breakfast food?? Sugary dough, with a sugary "fruit" filling that has nearly zero fruit content I'm sure, topped with sugary icing...it just screams breakfast. These things make doughnuts look healthy! They should be on the candy aisle right next to the Snickers and Starbursts...but somehow they managed to camouflage themselves as a breakfast food. If Pop-Tarts are a breakfast food, how come Mountain Dew isn't sold with the orange juice? It could certainly qualify as a breakfast drink. If we're cramming these things down our kids throats and then sending them off to school I could almost feel sorry for teachers. Don't get me wrong, they're awesome...I'm just asking. I wonder if anyone has ever mixed Pop-Tarts in with ice-cream?? Dairy Queen should have a Pop-Tarts Blizzard...I bet that'd be pretty good.

Anyway...Jodie is awake now so there goes my peace and quiet... :) Naturally she ate my last chunk of Pop-Tart...figures...just like having the kids around.

It just wasn't my night...

2009-07-16T21:51:00.000-07:00

I went for a ride tonight with some friends and family. We left with the intention of going through Government Camp and then looping Timothy Lake and returning through Estacada. Mark and I tried this ride last year and took a wrong turn...40 miles later we found ourselves. This time we intended to take the right road and complete our loop.

It was 90+ so I thought I'd wear shorts for the first time on the bike. That proved to be a bad idea when the bee flew up my shorts and commenced to sting me adjacent to my junk. Seeing as we were in the middle of a sharp curve I really couldn't do anything until I got out of it...but once I was out I cut off the guy behind me in our formation and the car in the next lane so I could get to the shoulder. That'll teach me to wear shorts. On the bright side...it certainly won't hurt anything to have some swelling in that region. I'll take all the help I can get.

We rounded Timothy Lake...on the right road this time...only to find that it turned to gravel. Sound familiar??? See my post about our Burns trip. Much like the Burns trip, I had checked Google Maps ahead of time to verify that the road was paved. Once again, Google Maps was wrong. Google sucks. To be sure that it wasn't just a short stretch of gravel Mark and I rode it for 3 miles hoping to find the end. No luck.

SOOOOOOO...we turned around and headed back the way we had come. Although it was 90+ when we left Clackamas, it was nowhere near that on the mountain. It was a bit on the chilly side coming back. Not that it mattered to me...I needed the cool temperatures blowing up my pant leg to help reduce my bee sting swelling.

We stopped at Government Camp (again) so Buster could call his daughter and let her know we were going to be late because our tour guide was a jackass and led us to a gravel road. Not his words...but accurate none-the-less. I had pulled my phone out in case his didn't have service but then put it on top of my saddlebag when he didn't need it. We saddled back up and on the way out of the rest area I skipped my cell phone across the parking lot like a flat rock on a calm pond. Surprisingly it survived and really isn't in too bad of shape.

It really just wasn't my night. As my "Words to Live By" say:

Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.

Tonight everyone, including me, was greatly amused.

Berf-Days

2009-07-13T19:12:00.001-07:00

Jodie and I celebrated our birthdays this weekend...Jodie on Saturday and myself on Sunday. Although I know it doesn't look like it...Jodie IS older...by 11-1/2 hours. However, I did manage to hang on until the 12th before gracing the world with my presence so I take advantage of the full 24 hours rather than the 11-1/2. Jodie's a cougar, a cradle robber, a Susan Sarandon, a Demi Moore, a Mary Kay Latourneau (Google it...). And me, the poor victim in this whole thing, I'm her boy toy, her man candy, her Ashton Kutcher...you get the picture.

The highlight of my weekend was Jodie getting a phone call from one of those survey companies. For some reason unknown to me Jodie enjoys doing those stupid surveys. During the course of her Q&A she was asked the age of everyone in our household. Now, had this call come on Friday the 10th, or Sunday the 12th this wouldn't have been a big deal. BUT...the call came on Saturday the 11th...the one day a year that makes a difference. The answer to the question of course was 5, 7, 9, 33 and 34!!!! The timing was impeccable.

Sometimes life has a way of punching you in the gut when you least expect it.

They're growing up so fast...

2009-06-29T20:33:00.000-07:00

"HOW DO YOU GET A BABY THAT'S THIS BIG OUT OF A VAGINA THAT'S ONLY THIS BIG????"

That's a good question. At least Aric thought so. Using his hands to demonstrate "THIS BIG vs. this big" like he was describing the size of a couple fish, he made his question known...likely to the entire neighborhood as the windows were open. The capital letters are an indication of his volume level. Jodie made the mistake of entering into this discussion with him.

"YOU MEAN IT COMES FROM YOUR PRIVATES????"

Cade was there too.

I'm not sure what convinced her that this was the right time to explain this to the boys. I've thought about it for a while...and I still don't know. They have been under the impression that all babies are "cut out" of the moms tummy...the description of which usually involves some sort of Freddy Kruger type movement across their midsection. Whatever the reason, Jodie pushed them out of the nest and destroyed their entire concept of childbirth.

After they had gotten over the initial shock of realizing that babies come out of vagina's you could see their wheels beginning to turn. This wasn't over yet. Aric's next epiphany...

"That means that when babies are born they have pee all over them!!"

...wheels still turning...

"That means that when I was born I had pee all over me!!!

...Cade, doing his part as the wing man...

"GROSSSSS!!!!"

Fortunately at this point they were in such utter shock, disbelief and disgust that I think their little minds turned off for fear of what might be revealed next. This spared Jodie from the questions about how the babies get in moms tummy to begin with. Considering how they handled this revelation...that will make for an interesting conversation one day.

To Burns and back

2009-06-24T18:05:00.000-07:00

We took off at 8:15 on Saturday morning the 20th. The weather wasn't looking good, but we figured you only live once...so we went anyway.

We'd had the dates blocked off for months...June 20th and 21st...a motorcycle ride over Mt. Hood into central Oregon. We were going to stay the night in Burns and then return through Bend and Detroit. As luck would have it, the forecast was hit and miss with showers.
With overcast skies me, Dad, Mark, and George took off from Dean's Homestyle Cafe in Clackamas headed for Government Camp.

We ran into wet pavement heading out on Hwy 26. The temperature was in the upper 40's and by the time we reached silent rock we were in the fog...or clouds really. It was so thick in spots you couldn't see the cars in front of you...but you knew they were there. We stopped at Government Camp for gas and a chance to warm up. Things weren't looking too good. After filling my tank I went inside the mini-mart and warmed my hands on the glass of the hot dog display. Don't laugh...it worked. After everyone topped off we pressed on heading toward Wamic and Maupin. Shortly after hitting Hwy 35 on Mt. Hood the pavement dried and things turned better.

By the time we hit the rest area on Hwy 97 we were optimistic that things were going to get better. The skies had turned to high clouds and we had been on dry pavement for about 40 miles.

We made it to Prineville for lunch and had a pulled pork, pepperoni, and pepperoncini pizza...how's that for alliteration?? It sounds weird, but it was really good. The weather was looking more promising as we headed toward Paulina.

From the age of 5 I hunted with my family outside Paulina until I was probably 20. A lot of my memories from growing up surround that dot-on-a-map and their general store. I have always wanted to travel through there on a motorcycle; kind of stupid, I know. We arrived to blue sky with patchy clouds and temperatures in the upper 60's...it was great!

Outside the store were the same two dogs. I know they're different dogs now...but part of me swears it's the same one's from when I was a kid. The fat, ratty looking one and the other with the messed up pure white and pale blue eye...he looks possessed.

I think the dogs count for a third of the population of Paulina. I don't know what the people who live here do. This town defines isolation.

The general store, a church, a school, a handful of houses, and the farmers neighboring barns. That's about it. I know I'd hate it if I lived there, but for some reason I really love visiting.

We left Paulina for the last leg of our Saturday ride before entering Burns. Sage brush flats led to juniper treed foothills, eventually giving way to ponderosa and lodgepole pines. Although we were in the middle of nowhere and hadn't seen a car in miles we did happen upon a traffic jam.

We eased up to the cowboys and they told us to go ahead and ride through. I looked at the wide expanse of cow butts in front of me and asked him how exactly he would suggest we do that. "Pick a spot and just go." he said. Okay...I wasn't going to argue with him...he was packing a gun after all. We parted the bovine sea to the left of their formation and moved through, managing to avoid any patties in the road and a potential stampede.

We carried on through the farmland and forest headed for Burns. Our last leg had us traveling a National Forest Road down into Burns. I had never traveled this stretch before so I thought it best to call some locals prior to our trip and verify that this road was paved the full length. I was assured by the Forest Service, the owner of the Paulina Store, and the lady behind the counter at the Paulina Store that this road was in fact paved the entire way.

This road IS NOT paved the entire way. At this point we're between 30 and 40 miles out of Burns and Mark is essentially running on his last gallon. We had a decision to make...ride the gravel, head back to the nearest town and fill, or head back to a farmhouse along the way to try and bum some gas and find an alternative route. We opted for the farmhouse option and headed back the way we'd come. We ran into a couple coming off a side road and stopped to ask them about the road. "Oh, it's paved the whole way." he said. At this point I'm trying to find a polite way to explain that the road is not paved. What is it with these people?? What's the point of talking with the locals if they don't know anything. After some time of discussion he still maintained that the road was paved. They were heading that direction so we followed. They went on ahead once we reached the gravel, and given our fuel condition we didn't have much choice but to follow. 30mph, single file we headed onto the gravel road. Despite the loose road surface and the jittery nerves it caused, this road passed through some beautiful country. Just over 5 miles in we ran into the couple ahead of us. They had turned around to let us know that the pavement picked up just ahead. I guess the locals aren't so bad after all.

We pulled into Burns at about 5pm and Mark had just enough gas vapor to get him to the pump. Somehow we had made it without having to syphon gas off another bike. We checked into the hotel and headed out for another 90 miles before grabbing dinner and a drink and calling it a day.

42 degrees and raining. That's what we woke up to on Sunday. After a lot of staring at the sky and conversation about what to do we decided to head toward Bend and just get it over with. Running the calculations...an air temp of 42 degrees combined with a wind chill from traveling 70mph...that puts the temp at about 26 degrees. Factoring in the dew point and moisture on top of that...forget it, it was freakin' cold!!! We made it 20 miles before we had to pull over.

I have a new favorite town...Riley, Oregon. We pulled over in Riley to warm up. Riley makes Paulina look like Portland. BUT...Riley has an archery shop off the general store. An archery shop that's equipped with insulated gloves and hand warmer packets. You could travel 100 miles in any direction, and save Burns itself you'd never, EVER run into another store that has hand warmer packets. God was watching over us. If we wouldn't have had these gloves and warmers we'd have had to stop every 20 miles just to regain minor feelings in our extremities. I love Riley, Oregon!!

I don't really have any pictures of Riley, or the rain, or anything for that matter on Sunday. There's a couple reasons for that...first of all, hypothermia sets in quickly and takes away your ability to think rationally...second, my hands were reduced to frozen lumps of flesh at the end of my arms; pushing the button on the camera was out of the question.

We made it to Bend for breakfast, and to warm up. After our meal we learned that someone had picked our tab up for us. Perhaps they were motivated by all the leather and our Village People biker look, or maybe it was my dashing good looks...but more than likely they just felt sorry for us. Regardless, it was a really nice gesture that made all our days. After all, it was Fathers Day. It's funny how something as simple as having your breakfast bill picked up can somehow re-instill your faith in humanity.

We passed through Sisters and cleared the summit with more rain and bone chilling temperatures. We hit Detroit for our final gas stop before we hit home. The skies were looking a little more promising and we were confident that the worst was behind us.

Sunny skies as we hit Salem and I-5. We were in the home stretch, cruising at 75 as we entered Wilsonville. Brake lights...not slowing down brake lights...dead stop brake lights. A dark cloud shadowed the sky and just as we put a foot down to stop it opened up. It rained...hard. Water was pooling between my legs on the seat. Nothing like dipping your boys in some nice, cold rain water. It rained so hard I was sipping water off my moustache. Oh well, one more downpour before we finished the trip off. I guess we should've expected it.

This trip turned out to be quite an adventure. It was a great ride with a great group of guys. I'd do it again in a minute, even if you told me the weather was going to be the same on the trip home. It may not have been overly pleasant at the time, but it makes for a good story and lasting memories. I don't know that I'll ever forget those two days.

That being said, I am praying for better weather next year when we do it again.

(Read - ...)

2009-06-24T17:34:00.000-07:00

I wouldn't normally harp on this...but I happened across it twice in one day so I figured I might as well.

Has anyone ever sent you an e-mail, or perhaps you've read an article, where they provide a thought or opinion but then they follow it with some parenthesis and tell you to "read" an entirely different word, thought or opinion??? My two examples:

An e-mail from a co-worker..."I think doing this project will be a challenge (read - risky) and we should consider allocating resources elsewhere."

So rather than say "risky"...he says "challenge" first and then tells the reader to insert "risky" instead...brilliant.

An article I was reading about Nebraska football..."N.U. is sure to have plenty (read - loads) of talent in the coming season."

Again, we could've just gone with "loads" to begin with...but lets misdirect with "plenty" first and then do an end-around with "loads".

What is this all about??? Is it like some Jedi mind trick where you tell me one thing and then convince me of something else? What's the whole point of writing one word and then telling me to "read" another? Isn't that what I'm doing into begin with...reading??? I'll tell you what...why don't you write what you mean in the first place and I'll read that! You can save us both some time by just being concise and to the point the first go-around.

Is this some effort to look smarter or something? Perhaps it's like saying "I'm going to give you the PC version of what I'm telling you (and then I'm going to tell you to "read" what I really mean). Here's an idea...why not just spit it out and spare us your attempts to look thoughtful and intellectual.

I find this to be mildly irritating (read - it annoys the crap outta me).

13 Years...

2009-06-22T09:11:00.001-07:00

13 years ago today Jodie made a decision that would forever impact the direction of her life...she married me. Some would argue that she could be considered one of the luckiest women on the planet...the majority would likely argue she must have been heavily intoxicated to have made such a poor decision. The true reason for her choice...she was young and naive. Regardless, she's stuck with me now and there's nothing she can do about it.

I think when she said "I do" she had hopes and dreams that her life would end up like this:

But instead she ended up with this:

And this...

Sometimes life doesn't turn out the way you expect it to. Me on the other hand...I came out of this deal smelling like a rose! Well, with everything except the cooking...

Camping - Battleground Lake

2009-06-22T08:59:00.000-07:00

2 days of camping, fishing, forgotten items, tangled lines, arguing and family togetherness...

The picture says it all...

Actually, this trip went pretty well. Battleground Lake is a nice campground so long as you can endure the rush hour traffic getting over the Columbia River. One of the neatest attractions is a bald eagle that circles the lake and then swoops in for fish...not something you see everyday.

Detroit

2009-06-22T07:14:00.000-07:00

I can now say I've been to Detroit...and I can now say I survived and made it out of Detroit. I didn't experience any gunfire, carjackings, muggings, or other assorted violent crimes....but man, what a rundown city. If there's ever a national shortage of plywood look no further than Detroit to find a new supply. I have never seen so many boarded up buildings in the middle of a metropolitan area. There's lots of interesting graffiti, which makes for some interesting leisure reading when stuck in traffic.

Most of our time was spent at the hotel near the airport, which is understandably going to have less than spectacular scenery. However, we did make it to Dearborn which is one of the "nice" areas supposedly. I would compare driving Michigan Ave. in Dearborn to driving 82nd Ave. between the Town Center and Home Depot...you know, a real NICE area.

We asked the front desk to recommend a Mexican restaurant for dinner one evening...and they gave us one. HOLY CRAP! Where would you go if you wanted good Mexican food?? Naturally you'd go to the source...Mexicantown!! Not making it up, not kidding...Mexicantown. Proof? You got it:

http://maps.google.com/maps?hl=en&q=mexicantown+detroit&um=1&ie=UTF-8&split=0&gl=us&ei=S6I_SpTqDpTWsQPP2P26Dw&sa=X&oi=geocode_result&ct=title&resnum=1

You may have to zoom it in a couple frames...but it's there. To call Mexicantown and the food at the restaurant authentic would be an understatement. We showed up straight out of our meetings in our slacks and dress shirts...practically wearing a sign that said "We're from out of town, please mug us!!" We ate quickly...but the food was really good.

We also had the pleasure of our hotel hosting the International Traveling Bowling League while we were there. Yes, there is such a thing. This wouldn't be such a big deal, except for the fact that this was the loudest group of people I've ever heard...and considering that their volume never went down, I gather that they don't sleep either. I don't know if bowling alleys make people deaf or what...but these people could be sitting in a group of four, 3 feet from each other in an otherwise empty lobby and you'd think they were trying to talk over a jet engine. On top of that apparently EVERYTHING they say is funny as they erupted into hysterical laughter at the end of every sentence. For the most part it was entertaining...until about 11:00 at night, then it became annoying...and then at 2:00 in the morning it became maddening.

Detroit...from what I can tell...it's a nice place to be from, but I can't see why you'd choose to stay.

Wednesday...and counting...

2009-06-10T21:37:00.000-07:00

It's only Wednesday and it's been a GREAT week already.

I found out I have to travel next week...to Detroit of all places. I don't know that I've ever had any desire to go to Detroit. What's even in Detroit anymore??? With the state of the economy, and particularly the auto industry, I'm expecting vacant buildings and tumbleweeds. I do have to admit that it's for an awesome business opportunity...but Detroit??? Since this trip came up at the last minute I can't fly United (where all my frequent flier miles and privileges are at), I have to fly US Air because they're so much cheaper. I had to book so last minute I couldn't even choose a seat..."Seats will be assigned at the airport." Great, I can see it coming...4 hours in a middle seat between a fat guy and a crying infant. I'm spending the entire flight in the bathroom.

My bike's in the shop again. I took it in to get a new rear tire, but as luck would have it I started spraying oil out the pushrod housings on the way to the shop. Actually, it will probably end up being a big time blessing because I have a Fathers Day trip to Burns planned with some guys the weekend of the 20th. I'd rather spray oil everywhere in town as opposed to somewhere 3 miles from the middle of nowhere in central Oregon...with no cell service. However, now the big questions are how much is this going to cost me, and will I even get my bike back in time to go on the trip. I've resigned myself to the fact that it's not a necessary vehicle so if it has to sit until I can afford to fix it so be it. The part that really irritates me is that I just had all this work done by Oak Grove Choppers last fall...for a LOT of money. Long story short, never, ever, under any circumstances take your bike to those guys. I've already had to take it to another shop once to fix their crappy work. I won't even take it back to them to fix their work it's that bad. Now it's back in again and I'm in jeopardy of not getting to go on the ride I've been planning for 6 months.

During the thunderstorm last Thursday our power flickered so I figured I'd get the lanterns out of the trailer while it was still daylight. Granted, it was pouring down rain, but I popped the trailer up and got them anyway. Naturally some rain got in while I had it up but I knew we were going camping this weekend so I figured I'd let it sit a few days until we were ready to pack for the trip. What could happen over that short period of time??? I popped it up again today...and there was already mildew spots. I spent my evening cleaning and scrubbing that crap off the canvas. Not really a big deal, but extremely annoying. Lesson learned the hard way. I'm also having a hard time with the propane tank...for some reason the connector isn't seating well. We probably won't have heat this weekend...too bad for the kids...and Jodie. :)

Two more days to go before the weekend. During that period of time I have to finalize travel plans, finish packing for the camping trip, find out if the chemicals I used to clean the mildew off the trailer was too harsh for the trailer canvas causing leaks, and I'll likely hear about the damage on the bike and find out whether I'll even get to go on the Burns Fathers Day ride that I've been planning for 6 months.

I need the weekend to get here...quickly...

Okay...I'm done whining now.

You're messed up too!!

2009-06-02T20:08:00.001-07:00

Deep down you know it...your family is messed up. I'm not talking about your crazy aunt Edna that smells like cat pee and smokes unfiltered Camels. Everyone knows she's not right. I'm talking about your family...your kids, your wife/husband, and you. The less obvious crazies.

You're all a little off axis and at certain times it's a bit more evident than others. Like...when you have someone else over for dinner. I think the true measure of a family is dinner time. How you interact with one another, topics of conversation, who has weird eating habits, etc...the things that occur on any given night that you don't give a lot of thought to. But...when someone else is thrown into the mix you suddenly become hypersensitive to these otherwise overlooked occurrences.

We had Myles Froeber, Jon and Sherri's son, over tonight for dinner. Myles is 5, same as Avery, so they buddy around pretty well. Naturally with a guest over you would expect my kids to be on their best behavior...yeah, right. If you're stupid enough to expect this then you haven't spent ANY time around my kids. They're messed up, same as their mom and I, and it's pretty much dinner and a show at our place nightly. Myles got a front row seat to our family at dinner time. It didn't take long to prove that he was in for the full experience.

A few minutes into dinner Cade began complaining about having a stomach ache. It turns out that he had recently chugged an entire can of pop and this was having an understandably negative affect on his stomach. Avery, with her typical aversion to eating, saw this as an opportunity to play the stomach ache card herself...likely in an attempt to get her out of eating anything. Not to be outdone, Aric chimed in that he had a stomach ache at school today and he "baby barfed" a little bit. Uncontrollable laughter ensued between the three other kids, Myles included, as Jodie and I shot each other a look. Aric continued "I'm serious...not a total barf, but you know when you puke in your mouth just a little bit and swallow it...one of those. It's called a baby barf." This went on for a minute or so with Cade, Avery and Myles laughing until they were nearly crying before Jodie put an end to it. Everyone recovered long enough to get a bite of food in their mouth before Cade exclaimed that he "...almost got a girlfriend today." You see, he flirted with her and he thought she flirted back. When asked how he flirted with her he responded "I gave her a look like this":

And he continued "...and then she gave me the look back so I think she flirted back!"

On a side note - No one is allowed to mention this picture to Cade. I took it after the fact for specific use in this post. When he asked what I wanted the picture for Aric blurts out "He's going to use it in his blog!!" and of course Cade was instantly mortified. I had to fake deleting the picture to calm him down...so remember, you never saw this picture!!!!! Back to the story...

At this point everyone is cracking up again and I'm in shock that Cade thinks his "look" worked. Never one to stand on the sidelines and be a spectator, I had to get involved here and ask if they wanted to know the REAL way to get a girls attention. The funny thing was the boys were instantly silent, on pins and needles like I was getting ready to explain the secret of life to them. "If you really want to get a girls attention what you have to do is wiggle your butt when you sharpen your pencil. And if you don't believe me, ask your mom...that's the reason she's sitting here today." Aric was beating his fist on the table laughing, Cade actually ended up on the floor rolling and Myles and Avery were cracking up with their mouths agape exposing their mixture of jello and bananas. One by one, each boy (Myles included) had to demonstrate their butt wiggling technique while pretending to sharpen their pencil. In fact, Myles continued after dinner...I think he was really taking it seriously and was getting his practice in. I told him he wasn't allowed to do that around Avery.

Things calmed down from there and we somehow managed to make it through dinner without someone choking on their food from laughing so hard. Myles got a meal and an educational conversation covering the finer points of baby barf and how to pick up chicks.

Jon just picked Myles up a few minutes ago and we gave him a briefing of the nights events. He didn't seem too bothered, but we'll see if they ever ask us to watch Myles again. At the rate the boys are going our topics of conversation during his next visit will be pick-up lines and how to sneak out a silent fart in class.

Like I said, you know your family's messed up...don't judge us.

Old people are so cute!

2009-05-20T15:49:00.001-07:00

I traveled to Rochester, New York this week...I just got home tonight. I had an encounter Monday morning at the Portland Airport that caused me to nearly backhand an old lady.

I just cleared security with a co-worker and we headed to the coffee stand for the morning fix. After ordering our drinks we stood off to the side chatting near the "pick-up" counter. The lady at the coffee stand called out my drink, a double caramel latte, so I approached the counter to claim said double caramel latte. As I reached my coffee I encountered a woman, probably in her mid-sixties. This lady looks at my coffee and then looks at me and exclaims..."That's not a boy drink!"...which sends my co-worker into a fit of laughter.

Here I stood, double caramel latte in hand, speechless. Yeah, that's right...speechless. I had nothing to say. I don't know if it was the early hour, the lack of caffeine in my system, or the fact that I was completely dumbfounded at being slammed by a granny...but whatever the case, I stood there like a deer in the headlights just looking at her. The fact that those words came out of that old ladies mouth still has me a bit in shock. Granted, it's freakin' hilarious...but surprising none-the-less.

This encounter reminded me of another I experienced in Fort Wayne, Indiana last year. Another business trip, same co-worker in attendance plus a few others, and we all had just sat down at the hotel bar for a drink. The bartender, a female in her 30's, took every one's order...I was probably the 4th out of 5 guys. My order...a Rum & Coke. She turns around and mixes the first few guys drinks and then she turns back around, looking at me quizzically, and asks..."Did you want a Rum & DIET Coke??" The expected eruption of laughter ensued from my co-workers...all of whom outweigh me by at LEAST 50 lbs. In this instance, however, I got on the offensive and fired back..."Is that a question or a suggestion?? Are you trying to tell me that I'm fat? Is it my butt that's big, or does my face look fat too? I'm wearing a loose shirt so my gut shouldn't show that much. I'll be sure and forward the bill for my new eating disorder/alcoholism therapy directly to you seeing as I'm now a fat drunk." You know, that kind of thing. She took it in stride and we all had a good laugh.

Back to the geriatric calling me out for my lack of manhood and coffee choices...

This is probably the equivalent of George Costanza on Seinfeld hunting down some guy who insulted him so he can hit him with his "Jerk Store" comeback...if you have to ask, just Google it. Regardless, I gotta get these outta my head so I can move on with my life. A sampling of things I SHOULD have said to the old lady after she verbally assaulted me:

You're right lady, it's not a boy drink...see, I just cleared security but in the process they confiscated my penis.
Sorry...I didn't have the choice of ordering the Ensure Mocha off the senior menu like you.
This is Oregon...who says I'm a boy??? (giving her a wink for effect)
Did they let you out of the home without an escort??
My wife says I need to be more in touch with my feminine side...
The last time you had any interaction with boys Kennedy was in office...things have changed a bit.
(With the stereotypical lisp) Not a boy drink??? Well honey, I'm getting this thing for my BOYfriend (pointing at my co-worker). You tell him it's not a boy drink. He thinks these are FAB-U-LOUS!!!
I'm sorry, I didn't hear you...I think your denture slipped.
I tried to order a boy drink but they didn't have any whiskey. I had to settle for this.
You're right, it's not a boy drink...but ever since the accident I pee sitting down and order these things.

There...I feel better now. If any old people were insulted by this post, I'm sorry you had to endure this in place of the responsible party.

Silver Falls Pics

2009-05-14T21:26:00.000-07:00

You get pics...no music...deal with it. It's about 3 minutes worth.

A Close Encounter

2009-05-14T19:27:00.000-07:00

Camping again...and if you've been keeping up to date on my blogs itemizing our camping damage you've probably been expecting a report from this venture. Naturally we couldn't make it through a camping trip without breaking something...

I busted off a marshmallow roasting stick trying to straighten it. Our only camping damage this time around was due to sheer, brute strength...as opposed to bad luck. Or maybe it was due to a poor tack weld...but that's not important.

We also had a close brush with a savage beast of the wild on this trip...and no, I don't mean Jodie after a couple drinks. As we sat around the campfire in the evening there was a rustling in the bushes a few feet away. We grabbed a flashlight and found a snarling, mangy, blood thirsty beast frothing at the mouth, looking to satisfy its hunger.

Rather than properly dispose of some tortilla chips Jodie threw them into the bushes outside camp...placing the entire group in grave danger. As we all know, when a creature this menacing develops a taste for Sanita's yellow corn tortilla chips, his hunger becomes insatiable. Although they're tortilla chips, they're a lot like Lay's potato chips...betcha can't eat just one. Devouring every salty chip in his path he came closer...

...CLOSER...

...HE GOT REALLY FREAKIN' CLOSE!!!

These last two pictures are not zoomed...that's the standard frame. In the last one the only thing between me and him is a lawn chair. I guess it's a good thing we didn't have any leftover hamburgers or Jodie might've baited in a black bear or cougar (not the 40 year old hot chick kind...but...that's not a bad idea either).

After a little persuasion...a rock hurled at high velocity that came out of no where...he disappeared to go terrorize someone else's camp.

I had been working on getting some pics of the rest of the trip together in a slide show with some music but have been unsuccessful getting it loaded to this point. I should have followed my instincts...creativity is overrated...and stuck to the basics. If nothing else I'll just splash a few of them on here for your viewing pleasure.

Are we on the same team here???

2009-05-06T19:45:00.000-07:00

I don't know how Avery sustains life. The girl does not eat. If it weren't for Hershey bars, vanilla ice cream, chocolate milk and assorted Goldfish crackers she would have no diet whatsoever. It drives me freaking insane!!! Why does she eat like this?? Let me tell you a story:

I found myself in a battle of wills with Avery again at the dinner table tonight. There we sat...everyone else done and gone...just me, Avery, 5 bite sized pieces of chicken, and three bite sized pieces of potato. We're into this thing for about 30 minutes and two crying fits by now. Oh yeah, tears and the whole bit. Chicken and potatoes...a tragedy to be certain. It's ridiculous...you'd think I was asking her to eat dog poo and Spam.

Despite my primary focus being on Avery and her choking down the rest of her dinner, Jodie asked me to make sure the fridge in our trailer was on so she could stock it for our camping trip this weekend. I went out and took care of things and upon my return found Avery to be down to 1 remaining potato!! Amazing!! 30 minutes of crying and zero progress...I leave for about 90 seconds and she manages to choke down 2 pieces of potato. Will wonders never cease???

"I only have one potato left dad!" she declares smiling upon my return...without the grimace on her face and shortness of breath from dry-heaving that you'd expect for such a feat.

"Really...did you eat them or did you mom take them for you??" I asked...call it a hunch.

"I ate them?" The punctuation here is correct...it was definitely more of a question than a statement.

"You did?" Insert the "dad look" here...

Avery turning toward the kitchen - "He found out mom!" Yeah, she's cooool under pressure.

"Found out what??" Jodie responded innocently. You gotta love her...throwing the Hail Mary like she's got a chance.

"Found out you took my potatoes for me!" Insert the "husband look" here...which is a very similar variation of the "dad look"...just a bit more hostile. Sold out by her daughter with no where else to go Jodie fessed up. Potatoes were returned to the plate and Avery managed to put away the rest of her dinner without incident.

Lets go back to that original question...why does Avery eat like this???? Because her mother is an enabler! Jodie was the youngest, Avery is the youngest...you do the math.

That's what I love about marriage...the teamwork!! Together we are a rock, and let it be known to our children that we will not waver...we will not falter!!! Try as you might you cannot overcome the combined will and determination this union blessed by God possesses!!! That is unless of course you can make your mother feel sorry for you...then you can do whatever you freakin' want and get away with it.

It's like a mobile command center!!!

2009-05-05T20:03:00.000-07:00

The trailer is repaired...more than repaired...borderline bullet proof. How do you repair a trailer?? Aluminum diamond plate!!! You don't just fix it with some sissy fiberglass patch or something...No, you A-Team that bad boy and get it ready for the next mission!

B.A. Baracus would be proud. He'd pity the fool that messes with the pop-up. Suckuh!

You never know what's going to happen...we might be dispatched to Iraq with the trailer...we might get in a firefight with Al-Qaeda or the Taliban one day...the Navy SEALS might call and ask to borrow it. You can NEVER be too prepared! We are now MOBILE - AGILE - and HOSTILE!!! We're like an Abrams tank that sleeps 5 comfortably. You don't want none...

This is actually our second diamond plate repair on the trailer. A year or so ago we had one of the latches break on the front end and we diamond plated over that one too. I figure in another two or three camping trips we'll have the entire thing armored. I'll be mounting a turret and a 50 cal. on it...probably put some tracks on and give it a nice paint job. It should look something like this:

It'll be well equipped for hunting season. We're camping this weekend...updates to follow. Over & out.

I guess it's inevitable.

2009-04-30T20:14:00.000-07:00

I'll be 34 in July and evidently I'm at that point in life where you start picking up on those little signs that you're getting old. It was bound to happen sooner or later. I know I'm not alone here, so just in case you're in denial, here are a few scenario's that you can use to measure yourself against:

1. You watch the clock at night begging it to hurry up and get to a reasonable hour so you can get to bed.

2. You have a drink or two and you look forward to your buzz helping you sleep better rather than helping you start your night off.

3. Rather than consider your cell phone a cool device used to maintain minute by minute contact with your "BFF's"...you consider it an anchor around your neck that is dragging you into the depths of oblivion. It's the leash that connects you to your office. It's a homing device...a ringing reminder of life's responsibilities...and you could generally care less who's actually calling.

4. You think "BFF's" is about the stupidest thing you've ever heard of.

5. You need a Cross reference sheet to translate text messages into English.

6. You remember Hulk Hogan from wrestling rather than a reality show.

7. You remember Bret Michaels from Poison, not a show where he's trying to get with skanks his daughters age.

8. You get your paycheck and start itemizing in your head the bills it's going to cover instead of thinking of the cool new things you can pick up with it.

9. You miss the post game interviews with NBA players from back in the 80's and early 90's...you know, when the players were literate enough to string together a coherent thought. When they used to actually speak English. I'll demonstrate...here's a typical interview commentary in 2009:

-"You know, we dun played aw-ight. Co Smiff had us red tuh go tuhnite and we wuz really gettin' up 'n' down the flo. They played hod, but weez able tuh come out wiff duh win."

The same general commentary but delivered by a player in 1989:

-"You know, we played well tonight. Coach Smith had the team prepared for a high paced game and we were able to get up and down the floor with them. They played hard tonight but we were fortunate enough to come away with a win."

10. A related topic to the NBA thing...you realize that the vast majority of athletes you see on TV are FAR younger than you...and you start referring to them as "kids".

11. Instead of counting your gray hairs, you count the dark ones because it's quicker. For some of us...there's not much point in counting at all.

12. You get off work on Friday and your first thoughts are not about what you're going to do that night, and the cool stuff you're going to do on Saturday...instead you instantly start thinking "Great...only two days until Monday."

13 You get a Harley and instead of being worried about the bike looking cool...your primary concerns are putting on floorboards so your feet are comfortable and a wider seat that's "cushier" on your butt. (Jodie!!)

14 You actually give in and get the comfortable floor boards and "cushier" seat for the Harley. (Jess!!! Oh, wait...never mind)

I'm going to end it here...I'm getting depressed. Besides, there's some "kids" playing basketball on TV and I've got a post game interview to criticize.

Tell the neighbors...

2009-04-29T20:03:00.000-07:00

A lot of you have probably already heard this story, but I somehow forgot to blog about it. Oh well, you get to hear it again.

A while ago Aric was down at the neighbors checking out the guys motorcycle he just inherited from his dad. Who knows how these things happen, but with Aric it doesn't take much...for whatever reason Aric stated to the neighbor guy that his mom won a biker babe contest on the Internet. Now lets be clear, there is no doubt in my mind that Jodie COULD win a biker babe contest if she were to enter...however, we ALL know that's NEVER going to happen. There's a better chance of...of...uhh... See, that's how remote of a chance it is! I can't even think of a smart a-- analogy!!

Fast forward a few days...Jodie is walking down the sidewalk and the wife of the above neighbor pulls up in her car and rolls the window down to talk. The conversation went something like this:

Neighbor: So I hear you won a biker babe contest??

Jodie: (Understandably surprised) Uhh...no...why?

Neighbor: Aric was down the other day and said you won a biker babe contest...something on the Internet.

Jodie: (The shock and embarrassment evident on her face) No, I've never even been in a contest but I'll be sure to talk with Aric about it.

Jodie came home and relayed this story to me...and of course I'm laughing so hard I can hardly handle it. She then tracked Aric down like Dog the Bounty Hunter and proceeded to interrogate him.:

Jodie: So, I hear you told the neighbors that I won a biker babe contest on the Internet.

Aric: (Very upbeat without a care in the world) Yeah...

Jodie: Exactly what contest did I win????

Aric: (Again, very matter of fact) You know...Hot Chick of the Month!!!

If you've visited this blog more than once...and paid any attention at all...you've seen my lovely wife displayed as the "Hot Chick of the Month" in the side bar...she's undefeated by the way. Well, it turns out that Aric has also seen her proudly displayed as the "Hot Chick of the Month"...and he felt it necessary to tell the neighbors about it. What can you say?? The kid was proud of his mom. :)

Of course Jodie cleared things up with the wife and explained that I'm a moron and post her on my blog all the time, and Aric is a clone of me so he's a moron too.

The person I feel the most sorry for though...the neighbor guy. As I told Jodie - "Do you know how much time he spent on the Internet searching and searching trying to find you in a biker babe contest? The poor guy was probably up all hours, trying to hide it from his wife, and typing in every conceivable keyword he could think of in hopes you'd splash across the screen in some skimpy leather outfit...all to no avail!!" Poor guy.

Changin' it up again.

2009-04-29T19:41:00.000-07:00

I Had to switch the page up some...but pretty much the same boring colors.

I did, however, change the blog title. I have to give Nicola credit for this one...it seems to be her standard response when I'm being offensive, or rude, or childish...in other words, when I'm just being me.

So, if you find my juvenile behavior, or offensive rants, or lack of polish to be a problem...remember:

It's Just Jess...

You'll have to lower your expectations, because the chances of me meeting them are pretty minimal.

This ever happen to you???

2009-04-29T19:03:00.000-07:00

Me & Cader...

2009-04-27T19:25:00.000-07:00

I got kicked out of my first basketball game today. Not a regular game with adults...a game with my boys and the neighbor kids. Cade kicked me out. Jerk.

To no surprise his quick temper and my lack of patience found each other again. I'll spare you the details, but long story short - we were apparently at a point where we could no longer coexist on the same court and he wasn't going to keep playing if I was still playing. Rather than continue arguing with a 7 year old I chose to take my ball and go home. I figured that was the stand-up thing to do...you know, showing my polished maturity. :)

---------------------------------------------

Fast forward...as I sit here typing this Cade comes up to me wrapped in his blanket sobbing ever so slightly:

Cade - "I wanted to say sorry for how I acted dad."

Me - "What???"
(I have to admit...I'm totally shocked at this point...totally. Cade NEVER apologizes on his own. His apologies are usually offered as a method to avoid and/or lessen punishment. And even at that his "I'm sorry" usually sounds more like "I'm sorry you're my dad!" than a heartfelt "I'm sorry for my actions.")

Cade - "I want...(mumble - mumble) acted!"
(Of course, asking him to repeat himself in my astonishment put him on the spot and made him uncomfortable.)

Me - "Well I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings and I was just having fun playing hard with you, I didn't mean to upset you.

Cade - "I feel bad because I don't have anyone to play with and you're the only one I can play with and I got mad and made you leave."
(It's at this point that I nearly called 911 to have them start searching for my Cade...there's no way that this is my kid. By now my Cade is usually spitting venom and in no uncertain terms explaining how everything is my fault. This impostor is not only apologizing, he's expressing his feelings!!! I'm now beginning to fear for my safety. I think this is how it usually happens...they lure you in with their "niceness" and then when you least expect it they pull a knife and get you in the jugular.)

I apologized for losing my patience and gave him a hug and we're now buddies again...during the hug I nonchalantly frisked him for any weapons...he was clean. I'm sure we'll continue to have our share of confrontations in the future, but I'm still in complete shock at the progress he's made. The kid apologized...on his own!!!

Now I kind of feel bad for calling him a jerk at the beginning of this post...but he started it!!!

Camping...Round Two

2009-04-20T18:02:00.000-07:00

Our last camping trip to Champoeg Park didn't go exactly to plan. If you missed it you can scroll back a few posts to the "Spring Break" entry for the details. Never ones to just quit while we're ahead, Jodie and I loaded the fam up for another weekend camping adventure at the Oregon coast. It didn't take long for things to pick up where they left off at Champoeg...

These...are pictures of the nice new cracks in the back of our trailer:

This...is me enjoying our camping trip after coming to terms with the nice new cracks in the back of our trailer:

That's my look of..."Why exactly are we doing this again??? This is fun, right?? Why every freakin' time we leave the driveway to spend some "fun family time" together does something break and it end up costing me more money?????" This look is also my "Shoot me now" look, my "Just get me a beer and leave me alone" look and my "We are 1 incident away from going home" look. It's quite versatile.

The previously detailed cracks in the trailer are courtesy of a bump...check that...a crater in highway 6 on the way to the beach. I didn't see it on the news, but I'm certain Halley's Comet touched down in the west bound lane. I'd like to offer my sincerest thanks to the ODOT work crews and their extreme attention to detail when it comes to road repair. This is where I really show my inexperience...I'm dumb enough to think that when you're repairing a damaged section of roadway that you would work to make it at least flush with the existing road surface, providing a smooth transition from the existing road surface over the repair. Ohhhh No...apparently all you need is one bag of asphalt patch spread randomly around the bottom of the chasm so as to make it appear that attention has been given to the problem. There's no need at all to concern yourself with things so trivial as smooth traveling surfaces. Again, forgive my inexperience and naivety.

Our bikes were mounted at the back of the trailer on the rack, and it seems our 60 mph entrance into the T-Rex footprint generated enough force to whip the bike rack around causing the nice cracks in the rear panel of our trailer. I actually managed to not overreact, freak out, and start cursing...that fact alone is proof positive that too much crap is going wrong on all these trips - I'm so accustomed to stuff not going well that I'm becoming desensitized.

Jodie's been asking to take the family on a vacation that involves air travel. Clearly this is not the year for it...I'd say that there's a better than average shot that we'd bring the plane down. Not to mention that we can't afford such a trip as we're too busy paying for all the crap that KEEPS BREAKING on the local camping trips!!!

We'll be heading out for our next heaping spoon full of good ol' fashioned family fun in May. Given our track record of late I'm sure there will be lots of interesting events to share.

Stop And Say Thank You!!

2009-03-31T19:46:00.000-07:00

I'm leaving the gym today...I went at my wife's request so I don't end up looking like the guy on the bike below...and as I'm approaching the door I can see through the glass that there are two girls on their way in. Apparently they saw me as well and picked up their pace to get to the door at the same time. The fact that they even saw me is rather surprising considering the one in the front was texting as she was walking - Is there some new cool melded word for that like "walxting"??? - and her buddy was chatting away on her cell. It was obvious that their quickened pace was intended to get to the door at roughly the same time as me so they wouldn't have to bother opening the door themselves.

This really isn't a big deal...naturally I intended to open the door for them regardless. After all, I'm a gentleman...I come fully equipped with that skill set. The part that got me a little annoyed came after they passed through the door. The "walxter" passed through and did make a somewhat audible sound...more of a grunt than a word...and her buddy passed by running her mouth at the person on the other end of her cell. No eye contact, no thank you, no nod, not even a courtesy smile. Neither self absorbed little princess was able to acknowledge the fact that someone took a moment to step aside and do something nice for them. I wasn't dressed like the doorman at the Benson Hotel, and clearly the door didn't open itself so I'm not sure what the deal was.

I guess it would have been way too much to ask one of the "Me Monster's" to peek beyond their self centered shell of personal space to thank another human being. That annoys me to no end...how freakin' hard is it to say thank you??? Rude...these are probably the type of girls who'll end up in a therapists office in 10 years completely unable to fathom why they can't find any good guys.

If someone lets you merge into traffic, give them a courtesy wave. If your waiter or waitress brings you a drink refill, acknowledge that they exist and say thank you. If a guy takes the time to open a door...take 2 seconds to say thank you. Otherwise you might find he's had a bad prior experience and jams you into the door frame when your halfway through the door just to prove a point.

I Can See The Resemblance

2009-03-29T19:25:00.000-07:00

This photo was offered up by a guy I work with regularly at one of my customers. He sent an e-mail to one of his co-workers and cc'd me...stating "Here's a picture of Jess on his Harley!" The abuse I'll take just to get a sale...

Spring Break...

2009-03-29T17:36:00.000-07:00

Only my wife would think it a good idea to go camping in Oregon on spring break. Only my wife would think she was doing me a "favor" by choosing a campground close enough to my office so I could commute...everyday. Only my wife would get frustrated with me after realizing that tearing down camp by herself while I am at work isn't any fun. Which one of us booked this trip??? Anyway...

We went to Champoeg park from Sunday afternoon through Wednesday to have some quality family fun. It somewhat resembled what I would guess a Griswold Family Camping Trip movie might look like...minus Christie Brinkley in a Ferrari.

The stage was set on the drive down by torrents of rain that were only interrupted for the occasional passing barrage of hail. In other words, your typical spring break. Most of us native Oregonians would expect that...most of us...but some (Jodie) tend to be a bit more optimistic.

We arrived at Champoeg, which conveniently lies down wind of a dairy farm, and began setting up our camp. In an effort to provide an area of cover for the family during the inevitable rain storms we went to work setting up a pop-up canopy loaned to us by my Grandpa. We nearly had the canopy fully erect (sorry...good word, had to use it) when somehow one of the four legs managed to bend nearly in half. Long story short...I had to break the leg off completely in order to break the canopy down and get it back into the bag. As you might imagine, this didn't do much for my already...fragile...state of mind. We got the canopy back into its bag and I curled up with my beer to try and mentally determine how much it was going to cost me to replace the canopy...and exactly how the explanation would be presented to my Grandpa.

As mentioned, my wife kindly put me in a position to commute to work from the campground. I didn't give it a lot of thought, but it turns out that packing for essentially two completely different trips requires some thought. It's like packing for a camping trip and a business trip all in one. I was only going to be gone for three days but actually had to pack for six - three days of camping and three days of work. 8:30 Sunday evening in the freezing cold around the campfire I realized that I got all my work clothes...but forgot my work shoes. An hour and a half later I returned from my unplanned trip home with my work shoes and my pillow, which somehow managed to not get thrown in before we left. Oh yeah, good times. I entered the trailer and began to get ready for bed only to have Cade call me over and tell me that we forgot Fred (his stuffed rabbit that he sleeps with) at home. Somehow I managed to maintain composure and explain that while I felt bad for him not having Fred there was no way in this world I was going back home again to get him. Cade either understood this, or was too scared to argue, but either way he didn't put up a fight and went to sleep. Probably a wise choice.

To recap...we had been at the site a total of 6 hours and endured down pours, hail, the smell of cow flatulence, a destroyed canopy, freezing temperatures, an unplanned trip home and a forgotten sleeping/security companion. And to think...in a few short hours I was expected to be at work in the office!! What more could a guy ask for???

6:00 in the morning. I'm standing at the bathroom sink of a campground trying to brush my teeth. Thanks to the wonder of technology this task became much more difficult than one might expect. We were lucky enough to be at a campground that has adopted the latest in energy saving technology...including motion activated faucets. Now I don't know what it is about me and motion activated technology, but for some reason I'm not always able to get it to function properly. There are times I can sit there and wave my hand in front of this stuff for 5 minutes without it working - I don't know what the deal is. Some would say it's because I have no heart so it can't tell that I'm there, and I'm not going to argue that point. Whatever the case, this was proven in my teeth brushing efforts. I finally figured out that if I held my fingers about a half inch from the sensor and acted like I was playing guitar then I could get enough water flow to rinse my toothbrush out. Fortunately I showered the night before so I didn't have to mess with that in the morning.

To be perfectly honest, the remainder of the trip went pretty well. The kids fished, biked, made smores, and spent hours on end inside the trailer during the rainstorms. I guess there's no better way for them to bond than to stuff them inside a tent trailer for 8 hours at a time. However, it has been determined that I will not be commuting into the office from a campground again in the near future. I knew it wouldn't be a pleasant experience, but in support of my wife I chose to do it and keep my mouth shut. I think by the time we went home she had a better understanding of how much that takes the fun out of a trip. Particularly when I had to use my lunch hour on the last day to drive clear out to the campsite to put the trailer awning up and hook up to the car so she could safely return home.

Yeah...good times...

Airport Security - Part 2

2009-03-17T19:58:00.000-07:00

In case you haven't read my observations of airport security...scroll down a bit and take a breeze through that. As a follow up, I thought the attached story about Peter DeFazio, a Congressman from Oregon, was very appropriate. It seems DeFazio had a melt down in an encounter with airport security at PDX...they made him go for extra credit in "Am I a Terrorist 101"! What makes it even funnier is that DeFazio happens to be a long time member of House Transportation Aviation Subcommittee...proving no one is immune!! If this guy can lose it then we all can lose it.

http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5gzlN_j7xDfWXbCPMESz9wZcdBguAD9702MG80

Never cross the mall cop reject...he will find you and make an example of you...no matter who you are!!!

The Votes Are In...

2009-03-16T19:42:00.000-07:00

I must say I'm a bit surprised...

Surprised that "Sexy" tied for first with "Funny"? No...that doesn't surprise me..."Sexy" was the logical choice (HA-HA!). Those two category choices finished tied for first with 36% of the vote each...or 4 votes a piece. Actually, it doesn't surprise me much because the "Sexy" button was right above the "See Results" button so I figure there were a couple accidental mouse clicks there. Oh well...all to my benefit.

Am I surprised that "Mean" followed closely with 27%, or 3 votes?? Honestly, I'm a little shocked that "Mean" didn't run away with it. For some reason that label seems to be gaining momentum with me. Sure...I eat my kids' good Halloween candy when they aren't looking, I like to go hunting and shoot furry woodland creatures and then cook 'em and eat 'em, I like to sneak up on my wife when she's not looking and scare the crap out of her...but I'm not certain that these items alone justify this opinion that I'm "Mean". I'm sure there are some other events to justify this description that just don't come to mind.

None of these things really shocked me much. What shocks me...NOT ONE VOTE FOR NICE??? Not one? Not even a sympathy vote? Nothing??

The lesson I've learned from this - I will NOT be remembered for the nice things I've done in life. No...I WILL be remembered for looking HOT, spouting off comical remarks and yelling at people. :)

I guess it could be worse...

Airport Security

2009-03-10T17:07:00.000-07:00

4:50 on a Monday morning...that's freakin' early. Am I just getting up? Just getting dressed? Just leaving for work? No...I'm standing in line at the airport waiting to get through security. Me and about 200 other dreary eyed zombies. Don't ask why I'm taking a flight so early in the morning...it's a long story.

Have you gone through airport security recently? This time around the line was unusually long, which caused a backup allowing me some time to observe. It gave me a chance to watch some peculiar, unexplainable behavior.

Here I am, as I stated surrounded by about 200 other people that are on the verge of falling unconscious on the spot they're so tired. Everyone is staggering through the line...making their way past the lady checking tickets and ID's...the lady who is way too freakin' chipper at 4:50 in the morning. She's so annoyingly upbeat that she could ruin your day before it even starts. Do us all a favor and tone down the smile and the "How are you this morning???" crap. We're all here way earlier than we want to be and we're about to endure "Am I Terrorist 101". This has to be the equivalent of meeting your proctologist's happy secretary...knowing that he's in the examination room with a rubber glove on and a tube of K-Y just waiting for you.

Once we all make it past Ms. "Have a nice day!" we continued our migration toward the metal detectors and the dreaded pass-fail portion of "Am I a Terrorist 101". It's at this point I begin to notice a change in peoples demeanor. Tired eyes begin to show whites...slouched postures become rigid...un-attentive faces begin looking around in anticipation. No one is immune from this behavior...young, old...executives, blue collar workers...different nationalities...everyone. In an instant everyone instantly kicks into overdrive. In my mind it looks something like this:

"Oh, man...oh, okay...I'm almost up to the conveyor belt! Okay...shoes...shoes have to come off. Oh, CRAP...I double knotted them! Why did I do that?? I'm an idiot...How am I going to undo double knots while I'm holding onto my freakin' carry-ons??? Maybe if I bend over and begin untying I can keep shuffling and keep up with the fat guy in front of me. Ugh! Now my face is right by his butt! Okay...I'll turn around and shuffle backwards while I untie. Okay, this is kind of working except I have to drag my stupid luggage. I'm good...this is working. I'm at the conveyor belt...LAPTOP! I have to pull out my laptop!! That goes in a bin...keys...wallet...good. AHHH! Toothpaste!! I have to pull out my toothpaste! I don't want them thinking I'm going to bring down a 737 with a tube of Crest!!! Shaving cream! That could look like C4...with Aloe! Gotta get that. Man...people behind me are getting impatient...HURRY, HURRY, HURRY!!! Shoes off, toothpaste and shaving cream out, coats off, laptop is out, all my crap is on the belt...good, the lady behind me looks pissed! I must've taken forever. Moving to the metal detector...NOOOOO...I forgot to take my belt off!!! Great! Now they'll think I'm going to storm the cockpit with a Calvin Klein leather belt!!! Too late now...I gotta keep going and act like nothings wrong. If I can just get past this TSA dude who looks like he was turned down when he applied to be a mall cop. Act cool...it's good...just smile and walk through. Just don't smile like that stupid lady who checked your ticket...she was way over the top. Walking through...don't beep, don't beep, don't beep...YES!!!! I'm through! I passed!! Eat it mall cop reject!! Today I have bested you!!! Now I have to grab all my crap and basically get dressed in record time so I don't piss the lady behind me off again!"

Usually I get annoyed standing in lines...but this was really funny. Person, after person, after person, all going through the same motions. Hysterical! Watch it next time you go through...it's truly entertaining.

Textbooks Distorting Religion?

2009-03-07T08:40:00.000-08:00

An interesting article on what our kids are being taught in their textbooks:

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,506773,00.html

For some reason this doesn't surprise me. It's further evidence that we all need to keep watch over what our kids are being taught in school...especially with Oregon being the most un-churched state in the union.

I suppose we shouldn't be too upset...it sounds like Islam is getting a fair shake.

Promises, promises...

2009-03-04T19:36:00.000-08:00

In case you weren't paying attention...

http://foxforum.blogs.foxnews.com/2009/03/03/kerpen_obama_budget

Not a bad bit of work for 40 days or so. I'm not the biggest country music fan in the world...but for some reason Toby Keith's "Love Me If You Can" comes to mind after I read this. If you haven't heard it check it out on i-tunes or wherever you illegally download music. In brief, it talks about being a man of convictions, wrong or right..."You may not like where I'm going but you sure know where I stand..." that kind of thing. In other words, I have a lot more respect for someone who shoots straight and tells me what they think, even if I don't like it, than I do for someone who tells me what they think I want to hear, only to do the complete opposite when it really matters. Integrity...look that one up while you're at it.

That should give you a few more reasons to vote for "Mean" over there on the right. :)

Good times...

I'm Mean????

2009-02-28T18:11:00.000-08:00

Having dinner with friends the other night allowed me a glimpse at how I'm...viewed...by others. We spent the evening with Mark, Kalli, Rob and Nicola and somehow a discussion surrounding my sunny disposition came up. Apparently my sunny disposition is viewed as a bit cloudy by some people. I, yes me, was accused of being...give me a minute...mean. ME!

Kalli and Nicola, with my wife laughing the entire way, proceeded to inform me that my attitudes can be interpreted as mean. Naturally this was a big shock to me...especially since I thought I was exuding the sexy like it was being poured from a faucet. You know how it is...chicks dig bald guys. Much to my surprise my sexy is being absorbed as meanness. Maybe it's too much sexy...? It's like a sexy O.D...oversaturation of the sexy...who knows. I guess it's always good to learn something new about yourself.

In an effort to re-establish my standing with our friends and no longer be labeled as mean, today I:

Made coffee for my wife
Noticed that flowers are pretty
Gave Kalli a hug
Told Kalli she looked pretty
Held the door open for my sister
Chose to not fart in the car with Jodie

I figure it's a step in the right direction.

In order to understand further how exactly I am received by others I have inserted a poll on the upper right header of my blog. Please feel free to vote for sexy...I did.

Hard Work, Determination and Sacrifice???

2009-02-19T19:27:00.000-08:00

I grew up believing that hard work, determination and sacrifice paid off...I still believe it today. But it's funny, it seems that philosophy couldn't be further from the truth anymore.

Bush got it wrong, and Obama is following in his footsteps...these "Stimulus Packages" and "Bailouts" are really getting out of hand.

The thing that bugs me the most about all of this is that those of us who are busting our butts to do things right, and that's most of us regardless of political affiliation, we're the one's getting the shaft. When are those of us who actually pay our mortgage going to get a bailout? When are those of us who are living within our means going to get some stimulus? This new mortgage bailout package is enough to drive me up the freakin' wall.

Obama wanted to be "very clear about what this plan will not do: It will not rescue the unscrupulous or irresponsible by throwing good taxpayer money after bad loans . . . And it will not reward folks who bought homes they knew from the beginning they would never be able to afford." Really? Really?? Who financed most of these bad loans?? Answer - Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac. With this new plan, who gets to refinance to lower rates if their mortgage is between 80% and 105% of the value of the home??? Anyone with mortgages owned or guaranteed by Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac. So the companies that made loans to people they knew couldn't pay them back (and got rich in the process I might add), those companies get bailed out and the people who couldn't pay the loans get bailed out and who gets to pay for it? You and me. I don't care how you vote...that should irritate you.

I don't for one second buy the argument of "Things are terrible but we have to do something now." No, we don't...doing something for the sake of simply doing it is stupid. That's like deciding you need to lose a few pounds and deciding to lop off one of your feet...sure you lost a couple pounds but it probably wasn't the smartest idea.

We didn't magically wake up one morning and find ourselves in this mess. It took us the better part of 30 years to get here and we're sure as heck not going to get out of it in 30 days. Some would say that this is all Bush's fault but if you really think that then you need to do some more research. Again...you don't get fat overnight, it takes some commitment. These quick fixes are killing us. People are losing their jobs in every state, every industry...we just had 21 people laid off yesterday, and that's our third round of layoffs since December. Our elected officials are doing us all a dis-service by acting like there's some magic pill that can fix this. Everyone is too busy trying to save their own political ass rather than making tough decisions that may not make them look good but happen to be the right thing to do.

Quit bailing out the banks, the lenders, the auto industry, etc...and let the market run the way it's supposed to. That's the beauty of Capitalism...it can actually fix this kind of mess if you leave it alone! Republican or Democrat...when Government gets involved in the private sector bad things happen. Government can't fix this...the American citizens are the ones who CAN fix it if the Government would just quit strangling them.

Don't buy into the hype that something has to be done right now. I'm still teaching my kids that hard work, determination and sacrifice pay off because I guess I'm just dumb enough to believe it...and I believe that's what made America great. If you don't believe it just watch the news...it's being proven everyday. All these quick fix bailouts and immediate action stimulus packages are only digging us a deeper hole. Another reason I'm teaching my kids this...because they're going to be the ones paying for all of this in the future...and the only thing that's going to get them through it is hard work, determination and sacrifice.

I'm Ready...

2009-02-12T19:22:00.000-08:00

I'm ready to do one of two things...either I get a second job, or I sell everything and move into an apartment or a rental.

It hasn't been a good week around our house. I fought a leaking tub spigot on Monday which carried over to Tuesday...I learned on Tuesday that my leak wasn't limited to the dripping seen in the tub...no, that would've been too easy. My leak decided to expand itself beyond the confines of the bathroom...it felt the need to leak into my wall, through my floor and into the crawl space under the house. Yeah, there's nothing like spending your evening pulling down wet insulation following leaking water. This of course was only one of the events that took place this week...we also determined that Jodie's car needed to go to the shop because it didn't want to start regularly, Jodie's cell phone broke so it won't receive calls any longer, and the brand new dishwasher I installed about a week ago was leaking out the bottom of the door. So I've determined that I either need to get a second job to start paying for all this crap, or I need to sell everything and get an apartment or a rental so it's somebody elses problem.

Now I've never claimed to be a perfect man; I have some shortcomings and areas that require some work...I know, I know...it's surprising, but it's true. One of the areas requiring some work is in the area of coping. I tend to be a little high stress and can, at times, overreact a bit. The above described difficulties confirmed that I still have room for improvement when it comes to coping. I do all right when it comes to work, or catastrophes, but for some reason all the little things drive me absolutely, totally, beyond insane. However, the important thing is not knowing that I need to work on this...the important thing is what I learned from this. For example, throwing tools does not help me fix things easier...throwing my shoes is counterproductive...screaming and cussing does not stop a water leak...pissing my wife off is really not in my best interest (more on this later)...asking "What can possibly happen next?" is a bad idea because you might actually find out. I intend to take these building blocks and work to apply them to future difficulties sure to come in life. In all likelihood I'll let my temper get the best of me which will result in the utilization of portions of my vocabulary not often used, nor suitable for underage listeners...but the point is that I have good intentions NOW, so I'm going to focus on that.

Now for some reason, after the fallout, Jodie wasn't in a good mood. I really didn't understand what the issue was, but I was pretty sure that it was in my best interest to keep her away from anything that might be used as a weapon. I thought she was probably just sympathizing with me for all the mounting troubles...but for some reason I had this suspicion that she was upset with me. She had this crazy look in her eye...kind of like the look that Kathy Bates had in the movie "Misery" right before she took the sledgehammer to that guys ankles...it was a lot like that, but with more anger. Well since then, much to my surprise, I learned that it WAS me she was upset with!! Go figure! Had I known exactly how upset I probably wouldn't have slept in the same house with her for the last few days. As I noted above, I learned that pissing my wife off is not in my best interest; in fact, if she's not in the right frame of mind it has the potential of being damaging to my health and well being.

I did learn one valuable lesson from all this that sadly I need to be taught over, and over, and over again...The lesson - GENUINE PRAYER WORKS. When you're at your wits end and about to lose it, when you think you'll never have enough money to pay for it, when your wife is ready to kill you, when you can't find a way out and all you have left is prayer...God listens. He'll probably wonder why you chose to torment yourself instead of coming to talk to Him earlier, but He'll listen. Jodie's car was a loose connection on the starter that was tightened and we weren't billed for, we're getting a new dishwasher delivered at no charge, and it turns out we have an extended family member who's a plumber so he's going to come take a look at the tub; the plumbing thing has yet to be resolved but I'm confident it's not going to be a big deal. As for Jodie's cell phone not working, I think that might be a blessing anyway. Now, if God can find a way to work on Jodie and her anger issues we'll be good to go!!!

Super Bowl Halftime...

2009-02-02T18:43:00.001-08:00

Listening to sports talk radio today I realized something...apparently I was watching an entirely different halftime show than everyone else. Everyone seemed to be going on and on about how fantastic Bruce Springsteen was. It's really weird because the halftime show I was watching also featured Bruce Springsteen...but my Bruce Springsteen looked and sounded like a tired, warn out old man attempting to relive the glory days...which made his singing of "Glory Days" all the more appropriate. And by the way, thanks Boss for switching up the lyrics on that one and tailoring it to football instead of baseball. You were lucky the original didn't suck...don't you think you're running a big risk switching lyrics up in front of millions of people on one of your only recognizable hits??

Springsteen had his time...but it certainly wasn't last night at halftime. I still can't understand half the words coming out of his mouth; in fact, I'm still not convinced that he wasn't speaking another language. If it wasn't another language he definitely works on a different numerical scale than the rest of us. "Who, Hee, Hore!" He kept shouting that as he transitioned songs...what the heck does "Who, Hee, Hore!" mean?? I'm pretty sure it's Springsteenian for "Two, Three, Four!" but I can't be certain. Feel free to enunciate dude, I don't speak New Jersey. There's just something about a bunch of entertainers on the other side of the hill mumblin', bumblin', and stumblin' through songs that can be picked up in the value bin at Walmart that I just don't get.

Wouldn't it be really cool if the Super Bowl halftime act was relevant at the same time, or at least within the same decade, as the game itself?? I suppose they tried that a few years ago with Justin Timberlake and Janet Jackson and maybe that's why we are where we are. One "wardrobe malfunction" ruined it for everyone. Now we're doomed to Fogey's and 1960's and 70's re-treads because Janet Jackson couldn't keep her boob contained. It's a good thing she had a pasty on that thing...can you imagine if we'd have had full on nipple??? They'd have that halftime show on complete lock down! We'd be stuck listening to some Barry Manilow / Jim Nabors duet if that were the case. Maybe Springsteen isn't so bad after all?? Nah...I thought about it again...he sucked.

Time To Do Things Differently

2009-01-24T08:25:00.001-08:00

Everyone can agree times are tough now. Companies are reducing their work forces, unemployment is skyrocketing, and the stock market continues to fall. The number of people requiring unemployment benefits and welfare benefits is on a steady increase. When things are bad you have to take a long hard look at things and make some tough decisions; you have to change up the way you've always done things.

There is no shortage of e-mail forwards out there with story after story of why things are bad, and suggestions of how we can make it better. Usually they're worth a quick read and immediate delete...but, I received one yesterday that I found to be particularly...inspiring. As with most things in life, the simplest solution is often the best solution. We have how many thousands of public employees on our tax dime and I haven't heard one of them come up with an idea as good as this one:

"I work, they pay me. I pay my taxes, and the government distributes my taxes as it sees fit. In order to earn that pay check, I work on a rig site for a Fort McMurray construction project. At any time I am required to pass a random urine test, which I am able to pass with no problem.
HOWEVER, what I do have a problem with is the distribution of my taxes to people who don't have to pass a urine test. Shouldn't one have to pass a urine test to get a welfare check because I have to pass one to earn it for them?
Understand - I have no problem helping people get back on their feet. I do on the other hand have a problem with helping someone sit on their rear, drink beer and smoke dope.
Could you imagine how much money this country would save if people had to pass a urine test to get a public assistance check?"

Killing two birds with one stone...a reduction in the abuse of the public assistance system by weeding (no pun intended) out those who use it as a crutch rather than a means to sustain until they are able to do so on their own...AND potentially a means to reduce the use of illegal drugs by requiring testing for assistance funds. Simple, but brilliant.

Who Needs Over-Haulin'??

2009-01-16T17:00:00.001-08:00

Most of you probably know that I have a pretty sweet ride...envied by many...truly an eye catcher. No, I'm not talking about the motorcycle...I'm talking about my pimped out 1988 Honda Accord DX. That's right, DX...as in the stripped model. And yes, 1988...21 years old...she's old enough to drink now. She's vintage baby...windows that you actually have to roll down, only a cassette deck, a 2 speaker stereo (oh yeah, those bad boys are door mounted 6" mids), no A/C, manual transmission, and only a mirror on the driver side because lets be honest...passenger side mirrors are for sissy's!

Jodie and I bought this car the month before we got married; we've had it going on 13 years now. We bought the car because Jodie was driving a piece of crap Audi that I believe had recently died so she needed a new one. We were 20 years old and about to get married so needless to say money was thin. Thin, like Nicole Richie thin. We scraped together what we could, and with assistance from my parents purchased a reliable vehicle with 90,000 miles on it that we hoped would serve us well. The body was in great shape, it ran like a champ...what's not to be pleased with...right?? I'll never forget the look on my bride-to-be's face, and her words...those oh so appreciative words..."It doesn't have A/C?? You have to roll the windows down? No power windows and no power door locks??"...Yeah, she loved it. She drove it for about 2-1/2 years.

Fast forward nearly 13 years and here you'll find ME driving the Honda...as I have been for nearly 10-1/2 years. It's got about 215,000 miles on it and is still a gorgeous...who am I kidding, the things a piece of crap.

I'm listening to talk radio today and hear the two guys hosting the show launch into a rant about how girls get what they want. They covered the multitude of methods applied...whining, crying, trickery, sex, etc... A portion of their discussion covered how guys end up driving crap cars and the ladies get the good car in nearly every case out there. (Note the word nearly...so don't give me a bunch of crap about a friends, roommates, neighbors, aunt who drives the crappy car in their family. Your exception only proves the rule.) The following is an excerpt of e-mails Jodie and I sent back and forth after I heard this discussion on the radio

FROM JESS:
The radio station I’m listening to is talking about women getting what they want and guys getting screwed. Their example…

“Why is it that guys end up driving a total piece of crap while the lady is at home and driving the nice SUV?? How come she’s rolling a nice Explorer or Expedition and you get stuck driving some crappy 80’s Accord? You come into the relationship with a nice car…a car you like driving…and then before you know it she comes up with some reason why she needs your car more than you do and you end up rolling in a piece that looks like your car from high school.” (Sound familiar?? Jess = Accord, Jodie = Expedition. SCARY!)

I kid you not, these were the examples they used. I’m not laughing because it’s funny…I’m laughing because otherwise I’d be crying and I don’t want to break my streak. It’s all I’ve got right now. (Side Bar...For those who may not know, "my streak" is that I haven't cried in nearly 10 years. Just a coincidence that's when I started driving the Honda.)

FROM JODIE:
Now I am laughing! But to my defense I didn’t “take” your car. I’m sad for you too….do you want to trade? The kids like the Honda.

FROM JESS:
You’ll notice that the word “take” is not used anywhere in the example, or my comments. The active word is “needs”…that’s where you ladies get creative – by providing reasons as to why you “need” our car more than us. And then you follow up with the “Do you want to trade?” garbage. That way you can come with “I offered to trade you…” when our car takes a complete dump and blows up, or we get laughed at by some dude working the McDonalds drive-through who has a 95 Nissan Maxima that STILL happens to be a better car than ours.

FROM JODIE:
I said I was sorry……geeeesh.

End of e-mails.

You want to see the best picture we've ever taken of the Honda???

You know why it's the best picture??? Because you can't see the freakin' car!! I never thought we'd still have that thing...lucky me.

In all honesty, we've been pretty fortunate to still have it...at least it goes from A to B.

Flower Power!! Through The Eyes Of Aric

2009-01-11T10:37:00.001-08:00

"You know Dad, hippies don't like this weather." Aric informed me of this alleged fact as it was pouring down rain this afternoon. All the kids and I in the car, sitting in the parking lot of the Damascus Safeway. A few spaces away sat a Volkswagen mini-bus...but not just any mini-bus. The purple paint of the bus served as a canvas with the words "Magic Bus" adorning the rear of the vehicle with a large flower painted on the driver side.
"What makes you think hippies don't like the rain Aric?" I asked, knowing that the pearls of wisdom soon to follow would be priceless.
"They've got flowers painted on their hippie bus Dad, they obviously like the sun...think about it!" How do you argue with that?? Clearly he has a point. Who knew that boy was so carefully evaluating his surroundings and drawing such logical conclusions.
Knowing I had more to learn I ventured on..."What else do you know about hippies Aric?"
"Hippies are really into nature...they like to hug trees and stuff...and they all have long hair". Again, he's 9 but the kids on to something.

----Let me take a minute to explain that neither Jodie nor I have had any conversations with Aric about hippies. Despite my follically challenged state, I have no jealousy or resentment toward any "long haired" hippies. Any statements or opinions expressed by Aric have been reached solely on the efforts of Aric himself. Does this mean I disagree with Aric and his deductions?? Not in the least...in fact, I don't know that I could have so concisely stated things as he did. That's what made it so stinking funny!!!

Back to the story..."What else?" I asked.
"Well, they like to meditate and do yoga and stuff like that." Are you kidding me...did he watch a documentary on Woodstock at school or something??? This is scary!
"Where did you learn so much about hippies man?"
"That guy Ronnie Bass on "Remember The Titans"...he was a hippie. I saw some hippies on "The Mighty B" too." Apparently "The Mighty B" is a cartoon...haven't seen it myself...but now I'm curious if it's somehow based on the realities of our society???

For those of you who know Aric, you know that he has absolutely no inner-monologue...if the kid thinks it, it's flying out of his mouth before he can stop it. It's gotten him in trouble a few times, but more often than not it leads to gems like this. I can't wait to take him down to the Hawthorne District during summer and just watch his mind and mouth work...should be a lot of fun, and make for some more good stories.

Love and peace to all...

Changing Things Up...

2009-01-06T20:53:00.000-08:00

So I switched the format up a bit...I'm still not sure I like it. I know this is a matter of life or death and will dictate whether I have any friends at the end of the day so I'm taking it very seriously.

On a completely unrelated note, I've been back at work from vacation for 2 days now. In case there was any doubt before, there certainly isn't anymore...work officially sucks. I'm really ticked off at my parents...I don't know why they couldn't have worked harder so I could have a trust fund and tour the beaches of the world. This is all their fault.

Happy freakin' New Year...
--------

CVD: Day 16 - Last Day

2009-01-04T20:16:00.000-08:00

Jodie and I spent the afternoon with friends at Bryce and Amy's. We kind of cheated and sent the kids off with my parents (as we do most Sunday's) so we were able to carry a conversation without having to stop down every two minutes to break up the he's being mean / she's being mean fights. It was a fun afternoon catching up...it's been a while since we've gotten together to see what everyone has been up to.

The kids head back to school tomorrow...but it's been snowing for a while and we have about an inch on the ground. Jodie's all panicked that they'll be staying home again tomorrow. Let me tell you, she's a lot of fun to be around right about now. I can understand her pain. I don't know what has her more excited...sending the kids back to school or me back to work. If they don't go to school tomorrow I'm going to have to find her a nice padded room for the day.

I've been at home playing dad for 16 days, but I'll be headed back to work tomorrow. Vacation has been good, for the most part. Relaxing, for the most part. Enjoyable, for the most part. Quiet, for the...who am I kidding...there's more screaming and yelling at my house than a Justin Timberlake concert. That will be my hardest transition back...getting used to the quiet of the office. I need to get back to the office if nothing else than to get me away from food! I've eaten way too much these past couple weeks and it's time to get the diet back on track. Really, this has been a great two weeks. I envy those that have the time and financial situation to do this on a regular basis. It's been great spending time with the kids and goofing off and hanging out with Jodie and spending time together. I'm sure I'll be kicking back into my usual grumpy self now...which means I really need to find a way to become independently wealthy so I can stay at home and focus on a hobby instead of spending my whole week working and commuting. Those who have figured out how to do that are truly fortunate.

CVD: Day 15

2009-01-04T11:16:00.000-08:00

We started the day off with Cade spilling Jodie's coffee all over the dining room carpet. With her creamer in the coffee it really made for a close color match to the carpet...but it's stained non-the-less.

Ultimately we ended up at the mall; Jodie and Avery went one direction and the boys and I another. I ended up getting a new Husker hat for $5...again, I'm cheap. Aric, being the sports nut that he is, covered every inch of that store wide-eyed looking like he was on a Mt. Dew buzz. He had $5 in his pocket that he was determined to spend. After about 15 minutes of looking through the discount hat rack he decided he was hungry and his need for food outweighed his need for a hat. We ended up getting a pretzel and soda to relieve him of his $5.

We wandered around a store in which Aric found a vibrating massager. He proceeded to hold it up and loudly exclaim to me on the other side of the store "Hey Dad, Mom would love this thing!!!" It was freakin' hilarious. How do you respond to that?? I went with "Yep...I bet she would!" I love that kid.

When we met back up with the girls I let Jodie know that she was on Aric's mind and he found the perfect gift for her...and went ahead and let the entire store know about it. I think she was pleased. She updated me on a conversation Avery started with her in which Avery was comparing Dad's pecs to one of the mannequins in the store. Dad won...of course.

I don't know what it is about the mall, but every time I walk into that place I feel like I'm entering the fun-house at a carnival. You've got freaks with tattoos everywhere and studs adorning every visible orifice (I'm scared to see what they might have covered up), there's the girls with their off-the-hip jeans when it's impossible to differentiate their hips from their waist from their butt (just because the style works for the girls on TV doesn't mean it works for everyone), and you've got to dodge the hitmen / women at the kiosks (for the 50th freakin' time I don't want to discuss my cell phone carrier, facial cleanser, perfumes or lotions!)!!! Whatever happened to the days when you could visit the mall to do some casual shopping without being physically and visually assaulted, and could leave without being nauseous?? If hell has an armpit I'm sure it comes equipped with a Macy's, Abercrombie & Fitch, Hot Topic, Bath & Bodyworks, and Hot Dog on a Stick.

I got Aric to basketball practice in the afternoon. I'm interested to see how his team ends up playing...I'm a little worried about it. Regardless, he's having a good time right now. But, as competitive as he is, I hope he has some patience...

Mark and Kalli joined Jodie and I at the Widmer Brewing Co. downtown in the evening. It's a great place...good beer and you have to try the cheese fondue! I'd recommend it if you haven't been.

CVD: Day 14

2009-01-03T09:21:00.000-08:00

Jodie and I argued all morning...that was fun. We haven't done that for a while - it was nice to get back to the routine. :)

We finally ended up getting out of the house and taking the kids to the Bagdad Theater (one of the McMenamins joints) to watch Madagascar 2. This was our first time to this venue and it was really nice. If you look at it from the street it doesn't look like anything too impressive, but once inside it's really a very cool place. Their photos are loaded in a Flash Player so you'll have to visit the link to check them out. Once you get to the page click the link below the picture to see the photo gallery.

http://mcmenamins.com/index.php?loc=9&category=Location%20Homepage#null

The kids loved the balcony but we ended up sitting downstairs to be closer to the screen. You can't beat the prices when you go to the McMenamins theaters...$9 to get in, $11 for a pitcher of beer, and $9 for two large popcorn's. The popcorn still stings a little bit, but that's probably just me...as I was reminded earlier in the week, I'm "old and cheap". But it is great - where else can you take the entire family to a movie for under $30 including admission and food??

When the movie was over we walked into the lobby to see the largest hail storm I'd seen in a long time. We were going to wait but the kids wanted to go out in it. What the heck, off we went. Of course everyone else had hoods but me and this was probably the only day in the last 5 years that I didn't have a hat so my bald head got pelted. Oh well, you only live once.

We went to the grocery store for some supplies because Jodie wanted me to cook dinner...AGAIN! I think she's getting too comfortable having me cook all the time. It's all coming to an end soon. We had grilled steak and shrimp with yakisoba noodles and a vegetable stir-fry. In exchange for me cooking again I talked her into making an apple pie! I swear, I'm getting so fat on this vacation it's not even funny.

We closed out the night watching another movie...Transformers this time. I think that's about all we've done this break is watch movies!! Cheap entertainment I suppose when you're stuck indoors.

CVD: Day 13 - New Years Day

2009-01-02T08:54:00.000-08:00

We got the entire crew up early to go to the watch party for the Nebraska vs. Clemson game. The first half was terrible...Nebraska was down 14 to 3 and had no offense at all. I was a little frustrated with the whole thing and didn't see it going well so I opted to head home at the half and watch the second half there. The coaches made some great adjustments coming out of the locker room at half time and completely dominated the second half...final score 26 to 21 Nebraska!! Of course it came right down to the last minute with Clemson having a first and goal inside the Nebraska 10, but the defense came up HUGE and held for the win. I think that's the closest I've ever been to a heart attack. I was exhausted by the time it was over with. But a win is a win...

Despite my exhaustion I made it to the gym...I had to as I'm continuing my rounding trend. That evening we watched Rudy with the boys. Cade commented that one of the linemen in the movie "looks like Dad but, fatter." I had to clarify who was fatter...Dad or the lineman...fortunately it wasn't me.

I did manage to finish my book last night. I was reading "The Matarese Circle" by Robert Ludlum. It was really a great book. 535 pages of probably the smallest print I've ever seen in a paperback novel; with normal print it probably would've been another 250 pages. One thing I've noticed about myself is that I don't like the end of books...rarely do they ever live up to the rest of the story. They always seem to end up either feeling rushed, or a bit too over the top, or like they are ending because they feel the book is too long or something. This one ended well, but still had a somewhat rushed feel over the last 40 pages or so. But in all fairness I think it felt that way because the previous 495 pages had so many twists and turns. I think Jodie has enjoyed my reading time as it's left her with all kinds of TV time.

It's amazing to me how few "incidents" I've had to report with the kids and / or family. We started this vacation off with nothing but "Griswold Family Christmas" type events but of late things have been really quiet. It's been pretty nice...

CVD: Day 12

2008-12-31T22:09:00.000-08:00

Avery slept in!!! She made it until 9:00!! I was really excited at first...but then I realized she slept too long because she proceeded to melt down over any little thing all morning. Jodie was at work so I got the kids started on their chores. Part of Avery's duty was to vacuum Jodie and my room as she's been watching TV and eating in there...nuff said. In fact, she had a bowl of dry Cheerios in there at the time. She took care of the vacuuming and was apparently done with her Cheerios so she went ahead and vacuumed the leftovers right out of the bowl. Very efficient.

It didn't take long for the kids, the noise and the running through the house to take its toll on me so I loaded them up and made them go for a hike for an hour and a half on the Mt. Talbert trails. Mission accomplished...I completely wore them out. So much so that we went straight to the grocery store afterward and as I was looking at some stuff on a shelf I turned around to find all three of them sitting there on the floor waiting for me.

I cooked dinner again tonight...Lasagna, packaged not from scratch. I did, however, make bruschetta from scratch and it turned out really good - Jodie even ate more than one courtesy piece, so it must've been good!

We have no plans for New Years tonight so we settled in and decided to play a game of Yahtzee with the boys. It was their first time so it was an interesting experience. As you would expect, by the time we were done nobody was happy with anybody else. I love these bonding experiences...it really brings out the best in us.

We just got the kids in bed and I don't think I'm too far after...we have to get some sleep so we can be up early for the Nebraska bowl game tomorrow morning. Go Big Red!!!

Happy New Year!

CVD: Day 11

2008-12-30T19:36:00.001-08:00

A pretty lazy morning with Jodie...again, the kids were at Jodie's parents house. We took our time getting organized and finally made our way over to gather our kids. We made a trade and swapped our nephew Cody for Avery; so we ended up with three boys and pretty much nothing to do. We loaded them up and thought it might be fun to head to the Lego store at Washington Square. Wow...that was a really long drive and a complete waste of time! I was under the impression that the store was a bit more interactive, and larger than a walk-in closet; turns out I was wrong. The boys had fun and enjoyed looking at the "high end" Legos. I couldn't believe some of the price tags I was looking at - $500 for a Star Wars set!!! $500!!! Without exception the most expensive sets were from Star Wars. That just goes to show you how messed up Star Wars geeks are. I guess when you're too big of a nerd to get a date you can afford to spend money on Legos equivalent to a car payment. Anybody else wouldn't dream of spending that kind of money on a kids toy but the Star Wars geeks can't get to their wallet fast enough. Shocking.

We ended up back home and I started cooking dinner. We had a nice meal of teriyaki chicken and salmon, a vegetable stir-fry, steamed rice and spring rolls. That's right...I cook...and it turned out pretty good if I do say so myself. I do actually enjoy cooking. If it weren't for that stupid "job" thing I'd do it regularly...but that tends to complicate things some. Apparently my children are incapable of waiting past 5:30 or 6:00 to eat dinner.

I'm actually on the couch and watching a football game. 11 days in and I've finally watched more than 5 minutes of football. I gotta run so I can enjoy it while it lasts.

CVD: Day 10

2008-12-30T19:25:00.000-08:00

Again...late posting. Jodie ended up going in to work yesterday and I was scheduled to drop the kids off at her parents at 10am for the rest of the day and night. All day to myself with no plans. I headed to the coffee shop in hopes of spending some quiet time with my coffee and reading. While trying to enjoy my book I became a bit distracted by a couple young kids. I know as well as anyone that it can be a little tiring when you're out and about with the kids...but for crying out loud - if they're running into people, hiding behind other peoples chairs and otherwise causing havoc in other peoples day...you should probably make an attempt to get them under control. I'm sure this is my fault...I probably missed the sign on the door labeling the coffee shop as a "Kids Free-For-All Zone". I suppose it's just a "different" parenting style...letting the little darlings "express themselves"!! We don't want to crush their spirit by actually inserting structure and discipline into their lives!!! I would've tried that crap with my mom and I wouldn't have known what hit me. I would've been begging for mercy within seconds. The ironic part is I'm sure this ladies favorite TV show is Super Nanny.

I made it to the gym, and then came home and read some more. I really enjoy taking time to read a book but don't often find time to do it with our normal schedule. It's nice to be able to do so for a change.

Terry and Jenelle had their kids with ours at Doug and Karyn's as well so we decided to get together and do something. They had never had sushi before so we thought we'd give that a shot. I got a good laugh watching Jenelle try and choke down a Philly roll, which is an awfully tame piece of sushi. But, to her credit she did great and tried quite a few different types...she didn't like many, but she tried them. She ended up having them fry her up a teriyaki chicken and fried rice dinner instead.

After dinner we headed across the street to McCool's for a beer; Mark and Kalli ended up joining us shortly after we got there. The evening ended up being very...uhh...interesting. We all had a good time and learned that Jodie had a 3.89 GPA in high school, she got an A in Pre-Calculus (which I still maintain she didn't take) and she still remembers her dance team routines. That's all I'm going to say about that for fear of getting myself in trouble for divulging too much information.

CVD: Day 9

2008-12-28T20:48:00.000-08:00

The Christmas lights are down completing my Christmas related duties! Life is very close to being back to normal...whatever that means.

Jodie and I actually started the day out by going to Dean's Home Style Cafe in Damascus. If you haven't been you should try it...but be prepared for a wait. The place seats no more than 30 people so there is typically a line to get in. But once you're in the meals are great with very generous portions. We like to go when it's just the two of us because the waits and small tables are a little more than we're looking to handle with three kids.

I've been trying to get to the gym regularly over the last 3 or 4 days seeing as how I'm up about 10 pounds now with the holidays. It's not doing any good yet, but I'm getting in there. I have this really terrible feeling that my metabolism is finally slowing down. If so, that's really going to suck.

I'm sitting here typing with the TV on and Jodie running the remote. I cannot stand watching TV when she's the one with the remote; I can't even stand having it on while I'm occupied with something else. It drives me insane! She watches the worst crap in the world!! Oh great...she just stopped on The Sound of Music and started humming "A Few of my Favorite Things"!! I can't even describe her TV habits other than to say that if it's entertaining she's not interested...but if it's a show about making over some hippie lady from Boston, is a TV movie about some abused woman, or involves women crying then she'll stop the planet from spinning to watch. Good Lord...she just stopped on The Notebook...I gotta go...I can't take it anymore.

Nicholas Sparks is the devil...

CVD: Day 8

2008-12-28T09:00:00.000-08:00

Things have really quieted down now that the snow is no longer an issue. So much so that my posts are now a little boring. Insert your "Don't worry, your posts were boring before" joke here.

All the decorations are down, with the exception of the tree and the lights that are still stuck in the snow bank and on the roof. The highlight of the day was going to Guiseppe's, our favorite place for pizza, for lunch. As we sat and talked Avery managed to knock over her water glass, so that added a little excitement. From there we just ran a few errands and then decided to head to church for Saturday night service.

Since all the services were cancelled for the previous weekend due to snow they moved all the Christmas related services to this weekend. Rather than fight the surely large crowds Sunday morning we thought we'd give Saturday night a shot. We notified the kids we were going to church which was met with some resistance...our kids aren't big fans of change. As we discussed Jesus and Christmas Avery thought it important to make us aware that Jesus is really big..."Like 100 pounds!" big. We brought the kids into service with us to watch the program, which was actually pretty funny. One of the performers is a violinist, which gave Avery a chance to play a mean air violin. We also had a song that called for the audience to clap along which she really got into as well.

We passed the kids off to my parents after church and Jodie and I went to McMenamins for a drink and then rented a couple movies. That's the highlight of our evening...I'm a pretty exciting guy.

CVD: Day 7

2008-12-27T08:57:00.000-08:00

A little late posting...which is kind of surprising considering that I did pretty much nothing yesterday, and it was awesome!

I started the day with coffee and my book, and eventually the kids finally allowed me to play the Wii with them. So far Avery is probably the most impressive Wii player as she knocked Aric out boxing (very humbling for him as you might imagine) and has recorded the fastest pitch (96 mph) playing baseball. Of course the Wii is now the largest source of entertainment and arguments in our house. When it's on I don' think we go longer than 5 minutes without some sort of confrontation. They should provide video game consoles with a referee 'cause I'm getting tired of doing it.

My Dad had a small poker game at his place last night. It was a good time...I was the second one knocked out though. I flopped 3 of a kind and went all in only to have a guy with pocket ace's catch one more on the river to beat me. Oh well, I got my money in with the best hand and couldn't hold on. It was fun and relaxing to just hang out and not officiate Wii battles for a few hours.

I'm planning on watching some football Saturday as the better college bowl games get started. Looking forward to Nebraska on New Years Day.

CVD: Day 6 - Christmas Day

2008-12-25T18:58:00.001-08:00

I was up late messing with kids Christmas gifts so I didn't get to be until about 12:30. As you would expect with it being Christmas morning we got a pretty early start...as in 2:30 in the morning early. That's when Aric took his first run at "Can we open presents now?" Of course he was told to go back to bed, but that didn't keep him from trying again at 4:00, 6:00 and then finally winning out at 7:30.

The kids dove into the presents, which is quickly followed by frustration from Dad to aid in the function and operation of every gift. I found myself explaining an already broken R.C. helicopter to Aric, trying to program an MP3 player for Cade, and unfasten Avery's Little Pet Shop pets from their Alcatraz like prison of packaging...

Side bar...who is the idiot that developed today's toy packaging schemes??? It is the most ludicrous thing I've ever seen! Every plastic molded toy, that has absolutely no moving parts mind you, is securely fastened to it's packaging with what seems to be industrial strength Hefty bag zip-ties, duct-tape, Elmers glue, barbed wire, Mighty-Putty, chicken wire and an electric fence. In order to break loose one Little Pet you need a hacksaw, bolt cutters, a Leatherman, a cutting torch, a 12 volt battery, C4 explosive, and apparently a lot more patience than I come equipped with. But I digress...

Once you get past the barrage of excitement they usually settle in and focus on one specific toy, which then affords time for me to slow down my R&D efforts of trying to figure out how all this crap works.

We headed to Jodie's parents to spend the day, have dinner, and of course further spoil the kids. We had a really nice time over there, it's always a nice visit. Going to the Pullers is like taking a vacation to the tropics...because the house is usually just shy of 110 degrees. With two wood stoves fired up it's no wonder. I've never asked but I think they painted the interior of the house with that heat resistant paint they use on barbeque's. If not, I'm shocked you can't see it bubbling on the walls. To cool down we headed outside and took some turns riding a 4-wheeler on loan to Doug and Karyn. Nothing spells fun like young kids, juvenile adults, snow, an ATV and a better than average chance of severe injury.

It didn't take long for us to realize that riding the ATV was fun...but dragging the kids with it would be a LOT better.

Before you panic rest assured this is TOTALLY safe. It's a lot like pulling a kid in the Biscuit behind a ski boat - except that there's asphalt just a few inches below the surface of the snow and there are trees and fences as obstacles. Other than that it's completely safe. Most of the kids are going to be okay...eventually. Cade has a slight limp but I swear that was there before.

Well, that's another Christmas in the bag. The kids are happy and had a good time and that's the important part. I hope you and your family had a great day as well.

CVD: Day 5

2008-12-24T22:43:00.000-08:00

Christmas Eve...and all in all a pretty uneventful day as compared to the previous. I managed to read 4 chapters in my book and take a 10 minute cat-nap. We ventured out to run a few errands. The great excitement with that journey was watching everyone try and navigate the 6 inch deep ruts through the snow and ice. We saw a few folks have their day ruined, but we managed to get to and from safely. I did also develop a business plan to fund Christmas next year...I'll be stocking up on tights to fit a 5 year old girl and shredded hash browns. We hit three stores looking for both and they were completely out. The way I figure it, I'm going to load up and put that crap on Craigslist and turn a nice profit next year.

We spent the evening with my parents and had dinner at Bush Gardens downtown. For those not familiar with it, it's a Japanese restaurant and sushi bar. You have a private dining room, which you take your shoes off before entering, and sit at a table that is about 8 inches off the floor with your feet down in a space below the table. The removing the shoes thing was great for the kids...it really made going to the bathroom that much more fun as you have to put your shoes on to go and then take them off again when you return!! It was so fun we each had to try it separately!! This was the kids first experience with an authentic Japanese restaurant, so Cade found it fit to provide a demonstration of his Kung-Fu / Ninja / Karate skills. Plus he and Aric also found the waiters accent to be very interesting. So much so that they enjoyed repeating things between themselves and cracking up laughing. Fortunately this didn't turn into the potentially mortifying scene that it could have. I was a little worried that this wouldn't be the best food choice for the kids, so I was prepared to hit the McDonalds drive through on the way home. Much to my surprise they did really well; at least the boys did. Avery ate her bowl of rice and was content. The boys had tempura, ahi and yellow-fin tuna sushi, fried pork, teriyaki chicken and beef...they ate well and loved it.

After dinner we headed back to my parents house to open gifts. Naturally the Grandparents and my sister spoiled the kids beyond rotten...not too much will require hours of my time in assembly so that's a bonus. We're back home now with the kids tucked in eagerly awaiting the arrival of the fat man and the next round of gifts. I'm sure we'll be up around 6am so I don't anticipate much sleep. After we wrap things up at our place we head to Jodie's parents for dinner and round three of "Spoil the Bergers Kids 2008". The wild card here is that Jodie's parents haven't had power since Monday so we may end up having everyone over here instead.

Sorry...kind of a boring post today, but I'm glad things toned down a bit. I needed a little break.

Whatever you have planned, I hope you and your family have a Merry Christmas.

CVD: Day 4

2008-12-23T19:42:00.000-08:00

Up at 6:30...so much for sleeping in. We got ourselves organized and took Jodie to work today. On the way Jodie talked to Jenelle and arranged for us to drop Avery off so she could play with Logan and Cody. That left me and the boys to find something to do. I did a little shopping and finally found a book I hope to get in to...since I've had SOOO much downtime these last few days.

The boys and I then ended up at my sisters to pick up my shovel...I actually hoped to have some time to shovel off the arctic tundra I call a driveway. On the way home we ended up dropping my sister off at the mall because she didn't want to drive in the weather. So, between picking up Jodie's Grandparents, driving Jodie pretty much everywhere, and taking my sister to the mall...I've realized that my vacation has somehow turned into a taxi service.

I made it home and shoveled for over an hour - you know, your typical vacation activities. I now have a clean drive way with a 4 foot tall snow pile running down the side. I figure that'll disappear sometime around April.

At about 1:30 Jodie called up the taxi service (me) for her ride home. The boys and I saddled up for the 10 mile round trip to pick her up and headed out. Well 2-1/2 HOURS later we returned home - We did stop by the grocery store on the way home to grab a "Quick and easy dinner" of lasagna and french bread as Jodie invited her Parents and Grandparents over for dinner. Apparently Jodie didn't read the lasagna cooking instructions because if she had surely she wouldn't have thought that 2 hours cooking time qualified as a "Quick and easy dinner" Papa Murphy's to the rescue again. I'm not going to really get on Jodie for her cooking because...well, because there's no point in kicking a dead horse. I will however post a picture of our Papa Murphy's take-and-bake pizza, provided with easy to follow instructions:

I love Jodie...She's pretty. :) You can see Jodie's blog for further explanation:

http://jkbergers.blogspot.com/

Doug and Karyn allowed the kids an early Christmas present tonight - they got their Wii which promises to keep them occupied for the balance of the break. Of course we've been fighting over whose turn it is for the last hour, but that's to be expected. Tomorrow's Christmas Eve and we'll be exchanging gifts with my parents. No doubt I'll see my share of those three words every Dad dreads this time of year..."Some Assembly Required".

CVD: Day 3

2008-12-22T17:59:00.000-08:00

Wow...where do I begin??? We woke up this morning to find that our 10 inches of snow from the night before turned into 14 inches

I cooked up some Toaster Strudel and toast for breakfast...and of course Aric came along and ate my Strudel and Avery ate my toast. I made some more toast and then Cade showed up to eat my new toast. So, a breakfast that should have taken 2 or 3 minutes took me about 20 because everyone kept eating it and I kept having to start over. After I finally got some nourishment Jodie and I thought it would be good to get in a little exercise:

Funny - our friends Mark and Kalli drove all the way to Montana to do this...go figure. I got called off the slopes because Jodie's Grandparents (who live in Salem...40 miles South) lost their power. Her Grandpa is in his 90's and her Grandma her 80's. Although we were going to get them for Christmas we thought it best to bring them up to the Clackamas area a bit early. I was bored yesterday so I chained up the Expedition for those "just in case" circumstances...well, since Jodie's Dad was working I was the next option to go get them. Good thing I took the time to chain it up. I left the house at about 10am and didn't get down to their place until after12pm. I got them loaded up and headed back North only to get stuck in traffic on the way back. We got back around 2:30. I had to fight laughing quite a few times on the way home - Jodie's Grandma, Faye, pointed out every female driver on the the road home...EVERY female driver, and believe me there was a lot of them. She's from the old school and thinks that these nice young ladies should have a man there handling the driving during these dangerous times. Personally, I agree with her...it makes me way too nervous having Jodie drive during this kind of weather.

We arrived back in Clackamas to roughly 18 inches of snow. About 5 minutes after I walked in the door WE lost power. Perfect. Well as luck would have it I was nearly out of propane canisters for the lanterns and such so we loaded up the crew and headed to Bi-Mart for some supplies. To make matters worse, the lanterns and the kids cold weather sleeping bags were inside our tent trailer so Jodie and I had push off the 18 inches of snow and ice so we could pop it up and get them out. It took probably 30 minutes to get it done...and (I know this is hard to believe) I was pretty pissed off during this period of activity. Now, if you know me you know that usually when I get really pissed something completely random happens to just push me over the edge...this event was no different. We no more than latched up the trailer and headed back to the garage when...as I rounded the corner of the freakin' house...the Christmas lights come on!!! Oh yeah - you got it - those friendly fellows at PGE turned on the freakin' power right at that exact moment! "Friendly Fellows" isn't exactly what I called them at the time, but they did turn back on my heat and TV so I'll take the liberty of being nice after the fact.

I've had a couple beers, watched some football, and feel much better. Although today was a bit trying, I've managed to make it through. We'll see what tomorrow brings as it sounds like Jodie's going to work and I'll have the kids on my own...BRING IT!!

CVD: Day 2

2008-12-21T19:45:00.000-08:00

Here we find ourselves in the midst of "Arctic Blast" or "Winter Apocalypse" or "Death By Snow" or whatever moronic name the local news channels have assigned to this event. Honestly...I love snow storms and winter, but it's truly embarrassing for Portland when this happens. If you've ever talked with anyone who comes from an area that deals with snow on a regular basis you know what I'm talking about. Placing reporters in Troutdale and the West Hills, FULL DAY coverage of empty freeways, continuing "Stormtracker" coverage, anchors in the studio wearing parkas to play the part...it really makes the entire city look stupid. Seriously...we all know how an ice-scraper works - none of us need you standing on the side of Hwy 26 showing us how a freakin' ice-scraper works!!! If any of us don't know how to operate this highly technical piece of equipment...then THAT'S your news story!! Find that guy...that's news!! Perhaps this is a rant I'll have to finish another time...

I finished out the night last night preparing for our imminent freezing rain storm by tying a tree in the yard to a few posts to hopefully keep it from bending and snapping. Of course I didn't get this done prior to the freezing rain arriving...I had to do it once it was blowing and building up ice. Prior to stepping out into the elements I searched for my ski goggles, only to realize I had loaned them to my sister. Rather than go out unprotected I opted to use my clear lens motorcycle riding glasses with the foam eye guards...better than nothing.

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We woke up to 1/2 inch of ice on top of about 10 inches of snow. That much ice tends to ruin the snow - sledding is pretty much impossible. We took a walk down to the cul-de-sac and saw one of our neighbors built a snow man...a snow man that was about 9ft tall! We took some pictures with the kids.

With the ice there wasn't much to do outside so the boys took it upon themselves to break as much ice as possible. Being as competitive as they are (I have no idea where they get that from) they started a "Who can find the biggest chunk of ice" contest...which Cade won.

Not much else was accomplished today other than eating...and a lot of it. Fortunately it started snowing AGAIN this evening which allowed for more sledding. God planned this just in time as he could obviously tell that we were fed up having the kids indoors all day. We spent a few hours sledding and then brought it inside to watch The Incredibles...see the previous post detailing the opinion surrounding Elastigirl. :)

So far vacation is going well, but it's time we expand beyond the Trillium neighborhood and get a look at how the rest of the world is doing. Jodie is supposed to work tomorrow so I'll probably drop her off and have some time with me and the kids. That should workout well...your prayers are appreciated.

CVD: Day 1

2008-12-20T18:01:00.000-08:00

We closed out the evening last night in a very special way. We rented Wall-E for the kids, so of course they were nagging to watch it. Half kidding, I told them they could if they made a lap around the loop. Before I knew it they had their boots and coats on and all three of them were out the door. A little exercise never hurt 'em so hey...let 'em go. Upon their return the boys launched into an all out fight over who gets to load the DVD player. I can't get them to do crap around the house, but they'll draw blood to load a DVD...go figure. As for the movie, for those of you who haven't seen Wall-E - Don't bother. I don't know how it's supposed to hold kids attention, but it did...but as for me and Jodie, we fell asleep about 20 minutes in. BORING!!! For me, The Incredibles set the bar pretty high for digital animation...Elastigirl is HOT.

The next morning - Up at 7:30...I don't know what's wrong with Avery, but apparently she's completely incapable of sleeping in. We woke up to snow and I made a run for our Saturday morning coffee. Upon my return Avery decided to make a push for hot chocolate. Somehow during her begging she managed to poke me in the eye and spit on me...the spitting of course is a very attractive quality that I'm sure will serve her well in her teenage years. Today on my vacation I've cleaned the kitchen and family room, loaded up the dishwasher and made the bed. When you get one of those "All Inclusive" vacations in Mexico they make you do all those things to...I'm sure of it. The snow has been falling all day. For Oregon this is very out of the ordinary, but it's a lot of fun. We've been sledding pretty much all day. My hope is that it's wearing the kids out so they'll crash early (which means I can to). We're supposed to get freezing rain tonight. That's...great...I'll be iced in with three kids for an indefinite amount of time. Oh well...Jodie made peppermint schnapps!! I'll be fine - I hope.

Why do I feel like Doogie Howser sitting here typing this crap???

Christmas Vacation Diary: The First Evening

2008-12-19T17:49:00.000-08:00

I've decided to keep a diary of my vacation...something to log the wonderful memories shared by my family during this joyous holiday season. Jodie thinks it's a bad idea - she's probably right. I figure in the best case it will serve as an entertaining window into the experiences of our family...in the worst case it may be used as a portion of my defense in a court of law to detail what may have led to the event in question. Regardless...the first entry:

It's not quite 6:00...I've been on vacation for about 2 hours now. In that period of time we've managed to rent movies, drop some stuff off at the Visschers, tour the mall parking lot and decide it was too full, pick up some gifts at another location, and go to the grocery store. I've learned that Aric has now turned the back of the car into a drum set, Avery now meditates in the car, and Cade complains about the non-stop noise coming from his siblings. I can see this is going to be a really relaxing vacation. I can almost feel the tension leaving my body. Sooo relaxing.

(Deep breath IN...2...3...4...OUT...2...3...4) I'm going to make it the entire time without snapping...I can do this!

The Best Christmas Movie Ever...

2008-12-14T19:39:00.000-08:00

In 1989 Chevy Chase, Randy Quaid and crew gave us the best Christmas movie of all time..."Chritmas Vacation". I'm sure some would argue that "It's a Wonderful Life" or "Miracle on 34th Street" or some classic crap like that is the best...while others might argue for "The Santa Clause", "Elf" or "A Christmas Carol". Bottom line...all those people are wrong. While some of those titles are entertaining, and others are just pure crap, there is no disputing Christmas Vacation's reign over all Christmas movies. To further validate this fact...the top 10 Christmas Vacation quotes:

#10 - While searching for the "Griswold Family Christmas Tree":
Ellen: Clark, Audrey's frozen from the waist down.
Clark: That's all part of the experience, honey.

#9 - Clark and his father:
Clark: Our holidays were always such a mess.
Clark Sr.: Oh, yeah.
Clark: How'd you get through it?
Clark Sr.: I had a lot of help from Jack Daniels.

#8 - Clark greeting the company executives:
Clark: Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, kiss my ass. Kiss his ass. Kiss your ass. Happy Hanukkah.

#7 - Eddie and the family show up unexpectedly:
Eddie: You surprised to see us, Clark?
Clark: Oh, Eddie... If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn't be more surprised than I am now.

#6 - Audrey complaining to Ellen about having to share a bed with her brother because the grandparents took hers:
Audrey: Do you sleep with your brother? Do you know how sick and twisted that is?
Ellen: Well, I'm sleeping with your father. Don't be so dramatic.

#5 - Clark saucer-sledding with Cousin Eddie and the kids:
Eddie: I don't know if I oughta go sailin' down no hill with nothin' between the ground and my brains but a piece of government plastic.
Clark: Do you really think it matters, Eddie?

#4 - Clark lingerie shopping for his wife with some "attractive" counter help from Mary:
Clark: Oh, I was just smelling - smiling. I was just blouse - browsing. I, uh, heh heh. Well, I guess it just wouldn't... Oh hee hee, it wouldn't be the Christmas shopping season if the stores were any less hooter than they - HOTTER than they are. Whew. It is warm in here, isn't it?
Mary: You have your coat on.
Clark: Yes, oh do I? Yeah, it is a bit nipply out. I mean nippy. What am I saying, nipple?

#3 - Clark and Ellen after the Holiday takes a turn for the worse:

Ellen: Clark, I think it'd be best if everyone went home... before things get worse.

Clark: WORSE? How could things get any worse? Take a look around here, Ellen. We're at the threshold of hell.

#2 - As Eddie empties his "RV's" chemical toilet into the storm drain:

Eddie: Shitter was full!!

Clark: Ah, yeah. You checked our shitters, honey?

Ellen: Clark, please. He doesn't know any better.

Clark: He oughta know it's illegal. That's a storm sewer. If it fills with gas, I pity the person who lights a match within ten yards of it.

#1 - Clark describing his last minute Christmas wish after being screwed out of his bonus:
Clark: Hey. If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, fore-fleshing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is. Hallelujah. Holy shit. Where's the Tylenol?

Watch it if you haven't...and if you have, watch it again...

Let me know if I've missed your favorite!!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

Christmas Break!

2008-12-14T19:06:00.000-08:00

I've been counting down the days. In fact, Cade made me a "Countdown to Dad's Vacation" calendar for me to check off the days. Friday the 19th is my last work day of the year and I won't be going back again until Monday January 5th. That's right...16 days off! 16 days of...? Rest? Relaxation? Honey-do's? Frustration? Bonding? Memory making? The kids are off for break over the same period of time, so my guess is that it will be a mix of all of the above. We don't have any specific plans just yet; Jodie and I need to sit down and plan a few things out. I don't want to get too crazy though...part of the fun for me is not having any plans! This will be my longest break from work ever so I'm anxious to not be planned right down to the last minute. I'm sure Jodie's blog will be update with all of the "wonderful activities" she'll have planned for us. Me...my plans involve coffee, some reading, food, and a beer or two mixed in. Should be nice.

Husker Football

2008-12-14T18:45:00.000-08:00

We've had a good time watching Nebraska football this season. When I say "we" that now includes the entire family. Cade loves football and likes Nebraska...and for him to say he likes something the same as me is monumental! Usually he enjoys disagreeing with me just for the sake of doing so. I've even got him wearing red on game days! Aric is a football freak and I think he already knows more about Nebraska football tradition and history at 9 than I do at 33. He knows all about Zac Taylor, Tommie Frazier, Eric Crouch, Johnny Rodgers and The Blackshirts. The kid has a passion for football like I've never seen. Even Avery and Jodie have joined in; Avery wants a Nebraska cheerleader outfit and honestly I think Jodie's about the outfits as well. We've gone as a family a few times to the Alumni group watch parties. It's a pretty fun experience where over 300 Husker fans geared up in their red get together to watch the games. They have raffles and football throwing contests at half time for the kids. This year has been a better experience as the program is back on the right track with an 8 and 4 record and a birth in the Gator Bowl on New Years Day vs. Clemson. I'm hoping that (at least with the boys) despite the differences we're sure to have in the future, at least we'll be able to relate to each other with Nebraska football. We'll see.

How much do you know?

2008-11-21T17:55:00.000-08:00

I learned some pretty interesting things this election season. Primarily, there are some ridiculously uninformed people in our country. People are going to have differing opinions, see things a different way, etc...and I have no problem with that. But for crying out loud, if you're going to vote at least do a little investigating. Find out what both sides are about...don't make an uneducated decision based on whatever direction the wind is blowing. This isn't like voting for prom queen in high school...and it's pretty annoying when people treat it as such. Do a little research...and when I say research The Daily Show, Saturday Night Live, The View, and Oprah don't count. Likewise, using CNN as your only source of "news" isn't acceptable. A good measuring stick...if wherever you get your "news" keeps force feeding you the same thing over and over and over and over again about only one side...it's probably not presenting an equal measure of both sides. Mix it up a little, you might actually learn something and develop and educated opinion. Finding out what the other opinion is isn't a bad thing...but developing your opinion based on a what Will Ferrell or Tina Fey do in a skit, or what four cackling women talk about having coffee around a table probably isn't the most intelligent thing to do.
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An eye-opening example is demonstrated via this website. Take a look at the video and read the poll info below. If you don't know the answers to the questions they ask yourself, do a little research on them. You might be surprised what you find. The sad thing is that all this information was available throughout the election if you were interested in finding it. It is curious the info the folks in the video did actually know the answer to. I wonder where they got that? Again...shopping around never really hurt anything...it might even help you make a better decision.

http://www.howobamagotelected.com/
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A lot of good men and women have died protecting and preserving our right to vote. It's a terrible disrespect to them when we treat that right like the Pepsi vs. Coke challenge. It's not a coin flip "Oh well" decision...there's some responsibility that comes with it.

A few more interesting topics to research:

What is the ratio of charitable giving between Democrats & Republicans? (Couple the answer with the question of "Who has a problem spreading the wealth around but would like to mandate that others do it?")
What percentage of his income did Barack Obama donate to charity since the year 2001?
What should be done with babies that survive abortions...babies that actually live through and are born and living on their own outside the womb? One candidate thought that the solution to this was to place the child (It is a child at that point...right?) in a room on it's own with no care to die on its own...regardless of how long that might take.
Which candidate was extremely vocal about the mortgage and financial crisis surrounding Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, but actually positioned the former CEO's of both companies as his financial advisors? Which candidate actually tried..twice...to regulate the dealings of Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac so we could have avoided this crisis but was shut down by the opposing party?
Which candidate has extensive relationships with people who admitted to bombings that killed American citizens?
Which candidate wants to increase taxes on small businesses whose gross income (not net, gross) is $250,000? That means before they pay their workers, their workers benefits, their insurance, their rent, their utilities or themselves. I'm sure that leaves a lot left over for them to reinvest in their business to try and grow it. Apparently that's part of the "helping out the little guy" policy.
Which candidate feels it's okay to go without preconditions to talk with terrorist nations that have stated publicly that they would like to wipe nations that are long time allies of the US off the map?
Who is going to increase taxes? I'm not talking about taxes on the wealthy...I'm talking about taxes for everyone. And FYI...repealing tax cuts counts as tax increases, and it affects everyone. Last time I checked, If you pay more then that's an increase regardless of if it's a new tax or a repealed cut.

If you don't know the answer to any of these...do some research; and don't just go with the first article you find...look around. Buckle up...it's going to be a fun for at least the next four years.

Just my .02

Being A Dad

2008-10-21T20:16:00.000-07:00

I'll never forget hunting with my dad as a kid...

Carrying my BB-gun, stepping on sticks and making all kinds of noise...

Some of the best memories he and I will ever have...

Now it's my turn...

Better Lucky Than Good

2008-10-21T20:08:00.001-07:00

The hunting was pretty bad this year...not too many deer around. However, Aric and I wandered across a bull elk skeleton on a hunt and fortunately the skull and antlers were intact! This has to be the hunting equivalent of winning the lottery...you just never see this. It's pretty common to find some shed antlers, or perhaps bones...but to find the entire skull of a 6-point bull elk just doesn't happen. We hauled it nearly a mile back to the truck and it made its way home with us. Aric is pretty proud of it and wants me to mount it in his bedroom. I'm pretty sure that his mom isn't going to let that happen.

Deer Season

2008-10-21T19:19:00.001-07:00

I've been deer hunting with my family since I was about 5 years old. It's become somewhat of a tradition and continues to be a big part of my memories of growing up. As a kid I loved being out of school, hanging out with my dad and uncle and camping in the middle of nowhere. I'll never forget watching Red Dawn for the first time (if you haven't seen it, rent it) and thinking "That could be us!!! That's just like deer hunting!" I couldn't wait for the Russians to invade so we could take off for the hills and live there forever.

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Things have changed quite a bit since I was a kid. We have a cabin tent that acts as a mess hall and has a wood stove that keeps it anywhere from 60 to seemingly 120 degrees depending on who's in charge of it. It also doubles as a movie theater...we actually rented a pay-per-view movie for the kids one night on the satellite...and some adults may have watched some college football and playoff baseball. The trailers are a lot better equipped, and more abundant for that matter. The trucks are all 4-wheel drive and seat 6...which means that I don't have to ride in the back in 20 degree weather as we haul butt in the pre-dawn morning because we're running late. I swear there were times when it was so cold my eyes would water and the tears would all but freeze to my face. I loved it!

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Growing up I never gave much thought to bringing my own family along one day...but never-the-less, those days are here.

Needless to say, things have changed quite a bit. But the more things change, the more they stay the same. It's a lot of fun to see my kids running around and having a blast doing a lot of the same things I did when I was their age...shooting BB-guns, riding in the back of the truck, exploring the woods and eating candy. Some people think we're out of our mind calling this a vacation...and maybe they're right...but I guarantee you the kids are making memories that will last the rest of their lives.

Football Season...

2008-09-19T17:26:00.000-07:00

Both the boys are playing football this year for the first time; Aric is playing tackle and Cade is playing flag. I've been really anxious to watch them both play...Aric because he's always hitting people in every other sport he plays and Cade because he's faster than lightning and should make for a great ball carrier.

Surprisingly, despite his aggressive attitude in just about everything, I've had to try and bring Aric out of his shell and get him to start playing tough. I never thought I'd have to give that kid the "you need to believe in yourself" speech...but I had to do just that. I think a big part of the issue is he's a 3rd grader on a 3rd and 4th team so he's playing with some kids who are bigger than him for a change. He's played two games now and he's starting to come around. He's starting at wide receiver, free safety and on kick-off team. He's one of very few third graders that are starting...let alone both ways. He put a hit on a kid the other day at practice that was a thing of beauty...I think he surprised himself with how hard he hit. He couldn't stop talking about it afterward. He's losing his fear of the bigger guys and is getting after them now. I'm looking for him to improve and learn this year...and next year when he's a 4th grader...that's going to be fun!!!

Cade is playing wide receiver and tailback for his team and doing really well. He's only had one game, but he scored 3 touchdowns and an extra point run in that one game. As expected, he pretty much runs away from anyone on the field. If he gets to the corner on a sweep he's gone. More impressive is how he can avoid tackles...his hips swivel all over the place and if he sees an opening he's through it in the blink of an eye. The funnest part of watching him though is the smile on his face. He gets the ball and instantly starts grinning and, as our friend Mark put it, with every kid that misses him his smile gets bigger and bigger. This is the first sport we've had him in where I HAVEN'T had to give him the "you need to believe in yourself" speech...go figure. A brotherly role reversal.

I'm having a lot of fun watching them play and I look forward to watching them learn not only about the game but also the life lessons that come with playing

Sure It's Cute Now...

2008-09-05T20:21:00.000-07:00

This is going to cause me many nights of heartburn and grief. Oh sure, right now it's all cute and funny but one day I'm going to wake up and it's not going to be so cute anymore. My daughter is totally into her best buddy Reese. She informed us that she can no longer wear polka dots because "Reese doesn't like polka dots". In turn, Reese has also decided that he no longer likes orange juice because Avery doesn't like it. Why she can't find a nice girl to be her best friend is beyond me...

For those who may not know, Reese is the son of our friends (and riding partners) Mark and Kalli. I've told them that we should enjoy the friendship now because eventually we're not going to be able to hang out anymore and camping with the families will be completely out of the question!! In all seriousness it's pretty funny watching these two interact. Of all the kids they are the least amount of work when they're together. I don't know that they've ever not gotten along. In fact, I do feel sorry for Reese to a point...listening to Avery boss him around is pretty funny. I wonder where she learned that from????

Yup...you guessed it.

The Wolsky's Are The BEST!

2008-09-05T20:04:00.000-07:00

We can't thank Mark and Penny Wolsky enough for allowing us to stay at their place while we were in Bend. And when I say stay at their place I'm not talking about crashing on a futon...their house is AMAZING! Private bedrooms in a huge log home with a gourmet cook (Penny's spaghetti is fantastic and the blueberry pancakes are a must have) and a hot tub to relax in. But I must say, as good as all that is...it's nothing compared to the chauffeured ride to the local Mexican restaurant!! We decided to pile in the RV rather than take two cars...it was hilarious! We had the best time hanging out on the porch, drinking a beer and just talking and watching the stars at night. It truly made for a perfect trip. Thank you guys for your hospitality and friendship. Just remember...you like Jodie and I more than you do Mark and Kalli...we're your favorites!! Don't forget who gave you a ride on the bike Penny!!!